moety grins.
"There are only two tragedies in life - one is not getting what you want, and the other is getting it." - Yuri Orlov
Uncle Djengot Bandung. Enough said.
During cell, Jemma talked about a friend who underwent a 180 degree personality change within a month of entering university. People who've had deep feelings of discontentment can make the choice to change their entire outer appearance, and it's made so much easier by the fact that there are so few people from your past to remind you of the way you were before. It's surprisingly simple for you to shape yourself into your conception of a socialite, a wild guy, a gentleman, or an intellectual.
In HS101, we're learning about the 'looking glass self' concept by Charles Horton Cooley. The concept has three components: 1. We imagine how we must appear to others. 2. We imagine their judgment of that appearance. 3. A subsequent feeling of self-pride or mortification (which can be a basis for change).
I think what we discussed agrees with this concept. The perceived judgments of people we have known for a long time will seem to us to be several shades more constant and unchangeable than those of newly-made acquaintances. There's considerably less worry of being seen as superficial by newly-made acquaintances who have had no prior experience with you. The avenue is open for you to release whatever deep-seated desires or resentments that you had, and these feelings can end up as the foundation for startling, shocking transformations.
I think that it would be sort of scary to watch a friend change this way, as if his/her outer appearance were to peel away, revealing a totally new person. I don't exactly think it's shallow; these changes are coming from a place of genuine feelings. Whether it is good for a person to embrace such a massive change without keeping some of the old, I do not know. A person who could do that would probably need to be immensely dissatisfied with his past. I think what feels so alienating is that these friends never shared all these feelings with us, or that we never bothered to look closely enough.
I know I feel it somewhat, the desire to shove some parts of my old self into a storeroom. I'd want to shove the low standards I set for myself, the lack of discernment, the near-complete obliviousness to my surroundings, the tendency to overuse self-deprecating humor, to overthink, and the aversion to direct conflict. But while I definitely feel that I'll be a better person for it, I know some things that I treasure will disappear with these parts of me. Sometimes I'm a bit worried that I'll become somebody that my friends won't recognize anymore... Hopefully we'll be able to continue on together, acknowledging each others' changes (good changes, especially), as well as reminding each other about why we first came to like one another...
I think that I became less reclusive after going through army and through cell group. In army I met so many great friends who were different from myself in many ways. Even now I can't full connect with their way of thinking, but I've never once been able to think of them as anything other than sincere. I'm not sure that I can put it into words... being there with them in SBAB has changed me in ways that I'm only now beginning to comprehend. I guess they made me more willing to trust people more quickly, for one thing.
Uni has been great so far. Hall is enjoyable. I like what I'm studying (some things I'll say about this in my next entry.), and I'm having a great time with the company I have in soci as well. However, during the past few weeks, something felt wrong and I couldn't quite put my finger on it...
I think I expressed it inadvertently during cell group. Now it's become much clearer to me (funny that I should get this insight from reading manga, haha). It's about the way that I talk to people. At first I thought it was something along the lines of talking too much and listening too little. Then i realized it was something more than that since I talked this much with my non-uni friends too. Hmmm. I'm being quite vague. Haha.
I guess I'd put it down to being too quick to open up to the friends I've met. I don't feel doubtful or anxious about talking with them. On one hand, they are friendly and fun to be with (If any of you are reading this, i'm being honest k. haha). On the other hand, I feel like I'm not really putting myself on the line as I talk to them.
I've given some thought to why this might be, and a recent event came to mind. I'd only considered the positive effects of it, especially since what I took away from that time was reaffirmed by the pastor's message that Wan Ling shared, which was about how Christian identity is founded on God's love for us (and should not be based on successes/failures or even nobler things like friendship). I thought that I'd simply become more confident in myself, but in another sense, perhaps I had also stopped caring so much about what other people thought about me. That would explain why I can talk in such a carefree manner. There's a difference between being carefree due to trust and being carefree due to a disregard for the outcome of one's actions.
There's a difference between not being overly affected by others' opinions, and having some deeply embedded distrust of people which leads to apathy... I'm glad that I read this week's 'Liar Game' because it described doubt not as the opposite of trust, but as the feeling we encounter as we try to get to know and trust others. I'm gonna make sure I don't take anything for granted, and start doubting everybody, haha =)
Uncle Djengot Bandung. Enough said.
During cell, Jemma talked about a friend who underwent a 180 degree personality change within a month of entering university. People who've had deep feelings of discontentment can make the choice to change their entire outer appearance, and it's made so much easier by the fact that there are so few people from your past to remind you of the way you were before. It's surprisingly simple for you to shape yourself into your conception of a socialite, a wild guy, a gentleman, or an intellectual.
In HS101, we're learning about the 'looking glass self' concept by Charles Horton Cooley. The concept has three components: 1. We imagine how we must appear to others. 2. We imagine their judgment of that appearance. 3. A subsequent feeling of self-pride or mortification (which can be a basis for change).
I think what we discussed agrees with this concept. The perceived judgments of people we have known for a long time will seem to us to be several shades more constant and unchangeable than those of newly-made acquaintances. There's considerably less worry of being seen as superficial by newly-made acquaintances who have had no prior experience with you. The avenue is open for you to release whatever deep-seated desires or resentments that you had, and these feelings can end up as the foundation for startling, shocking transformations.
I think that it would be sort of scary to watch a friend change this way, as if his/her outer appearance were to peel away, revealing a totally new person. I don't exactly think it's shallow; these changes are coming from a place of genuine feelings. Whether it is good for a person to embrace such a massive change without keeping some of the old, I do not know. A person who could do that would probably need to be immensely dissatisfied with his past. I think what feels so alienating is that these friends never shared all these feelings with us, or that we never bothered to look closely enough.
I know I feel it somewhat, the desire to shove some parts of my old self into a storeroom. I'd want to shove the low standards I set for myself, the lack of discernment, the near-complete obliviousness to my surroundings, the tendency to overuse self-deprecating humor, to overthink, and the aversion to direct conflict. But while I definitely feel that I'll be a better person for it, I know some things that I treasure will disappear with these parts of me. Sometimes I'm a bit worried that I'll become somebody that my friends won't recognize anymore... Hopefully we'll be able to continue on together, acknowledging each others' changes (good changes, especially), as well as reminding each other about why we first came to like one another...
I think that I became less reclusive after going through army and through cell group. In army I met so many great friends who were different from myself in many ways. Even now I can't full connect with their way of thinking, but I've never once been able to think of them as anything other than sincere. I'm not sure that I can put it into words... being there with them in SBAB has changed me in ways that I'm only now beginning to comprehend. I guess they made me more willing to trust people more quickly, for one thing.
Uni has been great so far. Hall is enjoyable. I like what I'm studying (some things I'll say about this in my next entry.), and I'm having a great time with the company I have in soci as well. However, during the past few weeks, something felt wrong and I couldn't quite put my finger on it...
I think I expressed it inadvertently during cell group. Now it's become much clearer to me (funny that I should get this insight from reading manga, haha). It's about the way that I talk to people. At first I thought it was something along the lines of talking too much and listening too little. Then i realized it was something more than that since I talked this much with my non-uni friends too. Hmmm. I'm being quite vague. Haha.
I guess I'd put it down to being too quick to open up to the friends I've met. I don't feel doubtful or anxious about talking with them. On one hand, they are friendly and fun to be with (If any of you are reading this, i'm being honest k. haha). On the other hand, I feel like I'm not really putting myself on the line as I talk to them.
I've given some thought to why this might be, and a recent event came to mind. I'd only considered the positive effects of it, especially since what I took away from that time was reaffirmed by the pastor's message that Wan Ling shared, which was about how Christian identity is founded on God's love for us (and should not be based on successes/failures or even nobler things like friendship). I thought that I'd simply become more confident in myself, but in another sense, perhaps I had also stopped caring so much about what other people thought about me. That would explain why I can talk in such a carefree manner. There's a difference between being carefree due to trust and being carefree due to a disregard for the outcome of one's actions.
There's a difference between not being overly affected by others' opinions, and having some deeply embedded distrust of people which leads to apathy... I'm glad that I read this week's 'Liar Game' because it described doubt not as the opposite of trust, but as the feeling we encounter as we try to get to know and trust others. I'm gonna make sure I don't take anything for granted, and start doubting everybody, haha =)
posted by moet at 9:50 AM
3 Comments:
I play by the Wizards' first rule.
We either change to suit the environment around us or change the environment to suit us.
Personally I have chosen to live a life of minimal conflict, does it diminish my capabilities to achieve what I want in life? No, it just forces me to find other ways of evolving and reaching my goal and retaining my own identity.
We are growing up in a dark and selfish world that is for sure, there are things that could be and should be done better but there are also things that must be held on to with a death grip simply to keep something familiar as an anchor in this raging sea. But at the same time, you could be dragged down by that same anchor if you choose wrongly.
That anchor... that life buoy... what would you use? what would you give up?
Change the environment to suit us? I guess it's easy to forget that that's an option =/
That's a good question. Hmm.
kinda kriptic arent we moety...
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