...Emo la.

When I start to want more from life, earnestly expecting and hoping that things can happen, it becomes so much easier to lose my cool... For so long, I was content to accept things as they came my way. Then, the friends and I had, and the times that we could spend together were the most important things to me. Perhaps, at my core, I held the belief that happiness was what you made out of what you had.

Friendship is something that has not, and probably never will diminish in its importance to me. But sometimes when I think of the things ahead of me, and the things that I've yet to grasp, I get deeply frustrated. Trying to make friends in church, learn things long overdue, have a deeper relationship with God, resolve issues about the way I am and with those around me... There are so many things left undone because I was either too afraid or too complacent to fix things or to know more. There were so many challenges that I did not react to or rise up to meet.

In trying to achieve these goals, I often find myself stuck in a cycle of trying to get it, meeting with rather unexpected disappointment, and then having to re-assess how much I should rightly want, and whether I should continue. This probably isn't new to most people, but it is for me. I used to always only reach for things that were easy to attain, but now I often find myself in the midst of endeavors and not fully knowing what the end will be like, excited with the things that could happen, and brought low if they don't.

The trip to New York has gone on for two days (+air travel time) now, with it's high points (one miraculous happening), and it's disappointments (myself, included) as well. Manhattan city is much more... city-like than our sunny island, with wide arrays of high-end retail outlets and very cheap Godiva chocolates =) Sightseeing has been rather tame for now, but we'll be going for a musical tomorrow and that should be a real highlight. Haha.. And so far the food we've tried is either on par or inferior to Singapore cuisine, but the final verdict can't be delivered now... There are many pretty American girls as well, haha, though I've unexpectedly run into much difficulty when asking them to come back to my hotel room with me...