Distances and Seasons
Left4Dead really becomes a whole new experience even when only one new person is brought in. The chat in the cab we took to Cathay got a little heated haha, but it helped me to get things off my chest and to think about what I really wanted.
The better part of this week has been spent in some amount of confusion regarding personal matters and even schoolwork. I'm surprised at the amount of confidence I lost simply from having trouble with one reading and an essay. Funnily, after completing it, I felt more ready to take on the world again somehow... And today, just shortly after praying, I came to realize something.
I've come very close to losing the most simple joys because I couldn't let go of things. The words I spoke during cell group were more true than I realized at the time. I held a grudge for so long, partly out of disdain and partly out of fear, only to realize how meaningless those fears had been and how biased my judgment was. So pointless, so short-sighted... It almost makes me want to cry (metaphorically) for the inanity, the vanity, the futility of it all.
Brendan tagged me in a picture of Mr. and Little Miss characters on Facebook. I won't mention the character he picked for me, but it did make me wonder why he thought that way. Jevon said something that made me think too, about how people can sympathize easily with me when I'm the 'victim'. As usual, he said an unnecessarily queer thing. But it struck me. It struck me that perhaps I've allowed myself to get too good at mitigating defeat, that euphemisms and graceful retreats have become my forte and my crutch.
A sunny friend of mine wrote something on her blog, which I suspect was meant to cheer up a friend of hers... She shared her tip about how to be happy. Haha. Though it was written in a peculiar colloquial form of the English language, and though it was cliche, the statement carried a lot of weight, considering the person speaking it. Cherish the present, don't lament the past, and let future things fall into place...
I thank God that I'm a little more clear now about what I want. I want to change my tune and stop singing sad songs, haha. And I will, for now at least. And I want to enjoy what I have now, all the things that I'll ever need, even though I don't have all the things I want just yet =)
Where there is distance, faith will bridge the gap.
Each time you smile, it'll only last awhile
Life may be scary, but it's only temporary...
Everything in life, is only for now.
-Avenue Q, "For Now"
The better part of this week has been spent in some amount of confusion regarding personal matters and even schoolwork. I'm surprised at the amount of confidence I lost simply from having trouble with one reading and an essay. Funnily, after completing it, I felt more ready to take on the world again somehow... And today, just shortly after praying, I came to realize something.
I've come very close to losing the most simple joys because I couldn't let go of things. The words I spoke during cell group were more true than I realized at the time. I held a grudge for so long, partly out of disdain and partly out of fear, only to realize how meaningless those fears had been and how biased my judgment was. So pointless, so short-sighted... It almost makes me want to cry (metaphorically) for the inanity, the vanity, the futility of it all.
Brendan tagged me in a picture of Mr. and Little Miss characters on Facebook. I won't mention the character he picked for me, but it did make me wonder why he thought that way. Jevon said something that made me think too, about how people can sympathize easily with me when I'm the 'victim'. As usual, he said an unnecessarily queer thing. But it struck me. It struck me that perhaps I've allowed myself to get too good at mitigating defeat, that euphemisms and graceful retreats have become my forte and my crutch.
A sunny friend of mine wrote something on her blog, which I suspect was meant to cheer up a friend of hers... She shared her tip about how to be happy. Haha. Though it was written in a peculiar colloquial form of the English language, and though it was cliche, the statement carried a lot of weight, considering the person speaking it. Cherish the present, don't lament the past, and let future things fall into place...
I thank God that I'm a little more clear now about what I want. I want to change my tune and stop singing sad songs, haha. And I will, for now at least. And I want to enjoy what I have now, all the things that I'll ever need, even though I don't have all the things I want just yet =)
Where there is distance, faith will bridge the gap.
Each time you smile, it'll only last awhile
Life may be scary, but it's only temporary...
Everything in life, is only for now.
-Avenue Q, "For Now"
posted by moet at 8:40 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home