Work
I found out today that my director was displeased with my overthinking and slow response in following her commands. I heard this from my manager... for a while, it sounded like he was scolding me again, but I've come to realise that those seemingly harsh words contain many, many good things for me to learn from... If I took all these habits of mine and presented them before a director or a chairman, I would be completely and utterly rejected... Instead of leaving me with my bad habits, my manager decided to show me the error of my ways... There's sloppiness in the things I do - my email checking, my list-making, my excel sheets... If I fix those errors, I will find life... I'm blessed to hear many harsh words and receive many hard lessons...
Lately, I've been really sluggish and unenthusiastic at work, and apparently it's shown... Well, I could write a really long story about it, but I guess it really came down to three things: a feeling that I was being "wronged" somehow by my manager, a paralyzing sense of dread that my tasks were going to collapse and I would fail, and this deep-seated fear that I wasn't good enough, that my brain was frying and my creativity was drying up.
I guess it didn't really help to hear that Ros really is absolutely, definitely going to get married... I was shocked that the news hurt me. It made me start questioning if I'd made the right decision one year ago... Guess I thought I'd moved on completely.
Regarding those three sources of negativity, I've come to three conclusions that I feel are generally quite sound:
1) Harsh words that contain hard truths are better than sweet but empty ones. I should be grateful for a manager who shows me all these many ways to sharpen my game at work. I also know that he's not trying to make personal attacks on me. He's simply teaching me the things that will help me to thrive years down the road.
2) If something has already collapsed or failed, then I should just accept the reality of it and look forward to doing my best in the situations that are coming. If they haven't yet broken down but I'm feeling anxious, then I should just remember that all I have to offer is my best effort and my best planning. That's all I will ever have, and that's all that I'll ever need.
3) I need to remember to rest, explore new sources of inspiration, and feed my mind and heart to keep loving creative work. Also, I believe it helps to stop worrying that I'm not a "good" writer anymore. Because that's what I have never been. A writer is simply someone who writes, and I am simply someone who has acquired some writing skills and concepts and who will go on to acquire more things. Hopefully, I will be able to sort out, utilize, and develop those acquired things as well. Feeling like you've become some big shot or that you've accomplished some great thing or gained a great reputation only makes you more and more worried about (and distracted by) what you "think" you have to lose. I'm still learning.
Also, for a while, it bugged me that Rajnish's final edit of the brochure was so good... I was a little angry with myself for being unable to see the weaknesses of my draft, and a little worried, I guess, that he seemed to make me irrelevant, in a way... But looking at it now, I think I can just accept that every writer needs an editor to see things from a different perspective... I also guess that Rajnish's more human and direct approach of communicating engineering shows me that I still have a long way to go in terms of copywriting... I need to build my fundamentals and learn the art of direct, impactful communication and persuasion.
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words filled with life
I've come to realize from reading Rajnish's draft that when I try to write seriously, it's a bit too "heavy"... Peter Van de Kamp said in my HZ101 class that my writing was good, but it tended to be a bit archaic at times...
Learning copywriting will be a good way to help me focus on writing in a style that's relatable and down-to-earth, yet impactful and distinctive as well.
Lately, I've been really sluggish and unenthusiastic at work, and apparently it's shown... Well, I could write a really long story about it, but I guess it really came down to three things: a feeling that I was being "wronged" somehow by my manager, a paralyzing sense of dread that my tasks were going to collapse and I would fail, and this deep-seated fear that I wasn't good enough, that my brain was frying and my creativity was drying up.
I guess it didn't really help to hear that Ros really is absolutely, definitely going to get married... I was shocked that the news hurt me. It made me start questioning if I'd made the right decision one year ago... Guess I thought I'd moved on completely.
Regarding those three sources of negativity, I've come to three conclusions that I feel are generally quite sound:
1) Harsh words that contain hard truths are better than sweet but empty ones. I should be grateful for a manager who shows me all these many ways to sharpen my game at work. I also know that he's not trying to make personal attacks on me. He's simply teaching me the things that will help me to thrive years down the road.
2) If something has already collapsed or failed, then I should just accept the reality of it and look forward to doing my best in the situations that are coming. If they haven't yet broken down but I'm feeling anxious, then I should just remember that all I have to offer is my best effort and my best planning. That's all I will ever have, and that's all that I'll ever need.
3) I need to remember to rest, explore new sources of inspiration, and feed my mind and heart to keep loving creative work. Also, I believe it helps to stop worrying that I'm not a "good" writer anymore. Because that's what I have never been. A writer is simply someone who writes, and I am simply someone who has acquired some writing skills and concepts and who will go on to acquire more things. Hopefully, I will be able to sort out, utilize, and develop those acquired things as well. Feeling like you've become some big shot or that you've accomplished some great thing or gained a great reputation only makes you more and more worried about (and distracted by) what you "think" you have to lose. I'm still learning.
Also, for a while, it bugged me that Rajnish's final edit of the brochure was so good... I was a little angry with myself for being unable to see the weaknesses of my draft, and a little worried, I guess, that he seemed to make me irrelevant, in a way... But looking at it now, I think I can just accept that every writer needs an editor to see things from a different perspective... I also guess that Rajnish's more human and direct approach of communicating engineering shows me that I still have a long way to go in terms of copywriting... I need to build my fundamentals and learn the art of direct, impactful communication and persuasion.
-------------------------------
words filled with life
I've come to realize from reading Rajnish's draft that when I try to write seriously, it's a bit too "heavy"... Peter Van de Kamp said in my HZ101 class that my writing was good, but it tended to be a bit archaic at times...
Learning copywriting will be a good way to help me focus on writing in a style that's relatable and down-to-earth, yet impactful and distinctive as well.
posted by moet at 10:50 AM
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