Anger and other assorted feelings
On Thursday, I went with Mych to Ikea to take a look around. I think her idea of walking around places just to find inspiration for things pretty good. I left the place with a few good ideas to pursue in the next two months.
I finished IPPT in the evening after an incredible 3 hours because I came late for the registration. I got home and watched Glee reruns, followed by clips of Pastor Rony Tan's tirade against other religions. Senseless. Distasteful. Offensively illogical. Offensive.
-------------------------------------
Friday was... an interesting day. A bunch of us Soci peeps met up at Sultan Kebabs to eat (Note to reader: Even if you're dying of starvation, do not ever go to the stingy, overpriced Turkish Kebab place at Far East plaza). We sat there and argued over what activity to do after the meal, and we finally settled on playing LAN. The shops were full though, so we ended up crossing the road to play board games at Mind cafe. Vithiya, Sharon and Fadzil turned up later, followed by Clara and her friend.
The highlight for me though, was coaxing Ashley and Vithiya to play L4D2 with us. Heh. That was fun, and Ashley is a pretty quick study. Vithiya seemed to enjoy herself too, and Fadzil shot me a lot (Though I did incap him that one time). After that, the last thing we did was to eat at Aston's.
On a side note, throughout the day, I idly wondered about the kind of things that got me worked up or angry, and the past offenses or hurt I refused to let go of. It made me remember a newspaper article about a man on trial for manslaughter for the death of his two-year old daughter.
He was known to be a loving and caring father, and one day he was on his way home with a Barbie doll for his little girl. When he opened the door, he saw her playing with a packet of his cigarettes. Panicked and enraged by the sight, he rushed at her and beat her on her back, scolding her for touching them. The little girl then slumped over a few minutes later, unable to move. Apparently his blow had burst a major blood vessel near her heart, and blood was welling up in her body. She died soon after.
One can only imagine how that father must now be feeling guilt and shame on so many levels: Guilt because he didn't quit smoking, guilt because his rage blinded him, guilt for beating his innocent girl to death.
What that story left me thinking was about the father's sudden anger and fury. And I thought that although some of us have hotter tempers than others, maybe it takes a lifetime of letting your anger fly over smaller, less significant things, for it to develop to the point where you can be so blinded by your rage that you could hurt a helpless child.
Maybe it takes a lifetime of lustful thoughts and sideways glances for a man to cheat on his wife. Maybe it takes more than just that, and every test we ever cheated on, every lie we ever told can come back to haunt us like this.
Every race we've ever passed was possible because we pushed ourselves every step of the way. Every performance we've ever had was made out of tens, maybe even hundreds of practices. Every friendship we cherish is made up of a gallery of big and small moments, 21st birthdays and daily silences together.
Our life exists as it is not simply because of chance or fate, but because of the way we choose to live in each new situation... My anger is clearly neither rational nor justifiable now. But my expectation of you will remain the same.
-------------------------------------
Woke up this morning and realized that I'd been dreaming of Fadzil explaining misconceptions about Islam the night before. . I woke up this morning, thinking of .
It made me think about the things we ought to love but don't, and the terrible things we hanker for/obsess about/obsess over/hanker after(?)/long for.
We live in a big global world now, a world of cities and bureaucracies and universities and job vacancies in a set social structure. Within this structure, you can be powerful or impotent. You can be a star or mud. You can be colorful or conservative. But you must always make money, and you mustn't ever exceed the amount of crazy allotted to you based on your job requirements (ALWAYS EXCEED THE AMOUNT OF CRAZY).
What if we lived in a world where it was normal for everyone to walk around openly with two personalities inside them? What if we could live in a world where ADHD was considered completely unremarkable? After all, there was once a time where classrooms didn't exist, and people spent their whole lives out in the fields, running, doing, playing, farming, copulating, and sometimes dying early of the plague or of bandits (Less people die early of the plague now but the bandits will always be around). Well, we don't live in that world, but still.
TV characters are always one-dimensionally awesome or melancholy, admirable or detestable, congruent or conflicted. They can never be boring or irrelevant or inconsistent, because viewers watch them to admire or hate just one or two qualities about them. People in real life though, are inconsistent characters, and often that inconsistency is inconsequential to the performance of many socially-mandated functions. There's always a child and an adult, a villain and a hero, a knight or a wizard (No dual-spec allowed), a clown and a captain, and many other characters inside us. So many faces, but so few places where they're acceptable, and even fewer the friends whom we can share all of them with.
-----------------
Implacable Imperceptible Imbibe Impassive Imperfect Impeccable
-----------------
Hanker:
–verb (used without object)
to have a restless or incessant longing (often fol. by after, for, or an infinitive).
I finished IPPT in the evening after an incredible 3 hours because I came late for the registration. I got home and watched Glee reruns, followed by clips of Pastor Rony Tan's tirade against other religions. Senseless. Distasteful. Offensively illogical. Offensive.
-------------------------------------
Friday was... an interesting day. A bunch of us Soci peeps met up at Sultan Kebabs to eat (Note to reader: Even if you're dying of starvation, do not ever go to the stingy, overpriced Turkish Kebab place at Far East plaza). We sat there and argued over what activity to do after the meal, and we finally settled on playing LAN. The shops were full though, so we ended up crossing the road to play board games at Mind cafe. Vithiya, Sharon and Fadzil turned up later, followed by Clara and her friend.
The highlight for me though, was coaxing Ashley and Vithiya to play L4D2 with us. Heh. That was fun, and Ashley is a pretty quick study. Vithiya seemed to enjoy herself too, and Fadzil shot me a lot (Though I did incap him that one time). After that, the last thing we did was to eat at Aston's.
On a side note, throughout the day, I idly wondered about the kind of things that got me worked up or angry, and the past offenses or hurt I refused to let go of. It made me remember a newspaper article about a man on trial for manslaughter for the death of his two-year old daughter.
He was known to be a loving and caring father, and one day he was on his way home with a Barbie doll for his little girl. When he opened the door, he saw her playing with a packet of his cigarettes. Panicked and enraged by the sight, he rushed at her and beat her on her back, scolding her for touching them. The little girl then slumped over a few minutes later, unable to move. Apparently his blow had burst a major blood vessel near her heart, and blood was welling up in her body. She died soon after.
One can only imagine how that father must now be feeling guilt and shame on so many levels: Guilt because he didn't quit smoking, guilt because his rage blinded him, guilt for beating his innocent girl to death.
What that story left me thinking was about the father's sudden anger and fury. And I thought that although some of us have hotter tempers than others, maybe it takes a lifetime of letting your anger fly over smaller, less significant things, for it to develop to the point where you can be so blinded by your rage that you could hurt a helpless child.
Maybe it takes a lifetime of lustful thoughts and sideways glances for a man to cheat on his wife. Maybe it takes more than just that, and every test we ever cheated on, every lie we ever told can come back to haunt us like this.
Every race we've ever passed was possible because we pushed ourselves every step of the way. Every performance we've ever had was made out of tens, maybe even hundreds of practices. Every friendship we cherish is made up of a gallery of big and small moments, 21st birthdays and daily silences together.
Our life exists as it is not simply because of chance or fate, but because of the way we choose to live in each new situation... My anger is clearly neither rational nor justifiable now. But my expectation of you will remain the same.
-------------------------------------
Woke up this morning and realized that I'd been dreaming of Fadzil explaining misconceptions about Islam the night before. . I woke up this morning, thinking of .
It made me think about the things we ought to love but don't, and the terrible things we hanker for/obsess about/obsess over/hanker after(?)/long for.
We live in a big global world now, a world of cities and bureaucracies and universities and job vacancies in a set social structure. Within this structure, you can be powerful or impotent. You can be a star or mud. You can be colorful or conservative. But you must always make money, and you mustn't ever exceed the amount of crazy allotted to you based on your job requirements (ALWAYS EXCEED THE AMOUNT OF CRAZY).
What if we lived in a world where it was normal for everyone to walk around openly with two personalities inside them? What if we could live in a world where ADHD was considered completely unremarkable? After all, there was once a time where classrooms didn't exist, and people spent their whole lives out in the fields, running, doing, playing, farming, copulating, and sometimes dying early of the plague or of bandits (Less people die early of the plague now but the bandits will always be around). Well, we don't live in that world, but still.
TV characters are always one-dimensionally awesome or melancholy, admirable or detestable, congruent or conflicted. They can never be boring or irrelevant or inconsistent, because viewers watch them to admire or hate just one or two qualities about them. People in real life though, are inconsistent characters, and often that inconsistency is inconsequential to the performance of many socially-mandated functions. There's always a child and an adult, a villain and a hero, a knight or a wizard (No dual-spec allowed), a clown and a captain, and many other characters inside us. So many faces, but so few places where they're acceptable, and even fewer the friends whom we can share all of them with.
-----------------
Implacable Imperceptible Imbibe Impassive Imperfect Impeccable
-----------------
Hanker:
–verb (used without object)
to have a restless or incessant longing (often fol. by after, for, or an infinitive).
Labels: benq, cryptic commentary
posted by moet at 7:27 AM
1 Comments:
the last paragraph about fictional characters is very perceptive. people tend to forget this, and strive to reach some unattainable goal, sacrificing...
sigh.
Post a Comment
<< Home