Broken Social Scene.
In spite of Weili's gloomy forecast, the Soci BBQ turned out to be a rather enjoyable event. The atmosphere was warm and lively, and there was enough food to go around as well. Getting to hear everyone's voices again was pleasant, and I also got to meet the newest addition to the ranks of the Soci cohort, Yan Sen.
Halfway through the event, I started becoming a little detached... Working at the Queen and Mangosteen has made me keenly aware of the limitations of my social skills (bro bro), so I started to observe myself as I interacted with others, wondering if things ought to be different... Somehow, when I'm in a setting with my sociology peers, there's a part of me that feels driven to come on out top, to be the most popular, the most successful, the most well-liked person. I feel a niggling sense of inferiority and frustration if I don't feel I fulfill these criteria, and a part of me wonders what it would be like if I could laugh at every joke, catch every signal, hold the center of attention.
I ask myself if it would be worth it to stretch myself to be able to do all of these things, but whether or not it is due to my better judgment or just plain laziness, I never get around to it. There's an almost proverbial (not sure if I used this word correctly) trope (or oft-used moral theme) about how you gain everything by being true to yourself, and how you lose everything by trying to become everything to everyone, just so you can get ahead. Somedays, I just feel so assured by that idea. On other days, I just don't know for sure.
Talking to Yan Sen was an eye opener for me because of his extensive knowledge and strong opinion about home politics. By contrast, I've never watched Parliament, and I missed the news on the recently passed Public Order Bill. It made me realize how much I've come to covet that number I get assigned which reflects my relative study ranking in a group of 80 people or so. In reality, it reflects very little about one's aptitude or passion.
And yet, while one part of me accepts the rationality of this fact, another part refuses to budge from holding it close to my heart, because I know that that number is going to be tied proportionately to the number of my future paycheck, and also because it feels good to think that 4.36/5 GPA makes you a 4.36/5 human being. That's why I felt so mad about HS203 results, and that's also why I felt bad about feeling that way afterwards.
Hmmm. I wanted to end this entry poignantly somehow, but I can't think of anything proper. Ah well. Tomorrow's the last day of work, and I and Daph may finally get some visitors from sociology. Heh.
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My heart beats faster but my body moves slower. Maybe this is what getting old is like, being able to shut things off and slow down, or just reacting less, chasing for shorter distances. I can't remember what it was like, the last time I chased after a dream.
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"You just got "The Knife" in the back, or Hadoken'ed, if you'd prefer. But this is commonplace in a broken social scene like the one we live in today." -Ben Moey.
Halfway through the event, I started becoming a little detached... Working at the Queen and Mangosteen has made me keenly aware of the limitations of my social skills (bro bro), so I started to observe myself as I interacted with others, wondering if things ought to be different... Somehow, when I'm in a setting with my sociology peers, there's a part of me that feels driven to come on out top, to be the most popular, the most successful, the most well-liked person. I feel a niggling sense of inferiority and frustration if I don't feel I fulfill these criteria, and a part of me wonders what it would be like if I could laugh at every joke, catch every signal, hold the center of attention.
I ask myself if it would be worth it to stretch myself to be able to do all of these things, but whether or not it is due to my better judgment or just plain laziness, I never get around to it. There's an almost proverbial (not sure if I used this word correctly) trope (or oft-used moral theme) about how you gain everything by being true to yourself, and how you lose everything by trying to become everything to everyone, just so you can get ahead. Somedays, I just feel so assured by that idea. On other days, I just don't know for sure.
Talking to Yan Sen was an eye opener for me because of his extensive knowledge and strong opinion about home politics. By contrast, I've never watched Parliament, and I missed the news on the recently passed Public Order Bill. It made me realize how much I've come to covet that number I get assigned which reflects my relative study ranking in a group of 80 people or so. In reality, it reflects very little about one's aptitude or passion.
And yet, while one part of me accepts the rationality of this fact, another part refuses to budge from holding it close to my heart, because I know that that number is going to be tied proportionately to the number of my future paycheck, and also because it feels good to think that 4.36/5 GPA makes you a 4.36/5 human being. That's why I felt so mad about HS203 results, and that's also why I felt bad about feeling that way afterwards.
Hmmm. I wanted to end this entry poignantly somehow, but I can't think of anything proper. Ah well. Tomorrow's the last day of work, and I and Daph may finally get some visitors from sociology. Heh.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
My heart beats faster but my body moves slower. Maybe this is what getting old is like, being able to shut things off and slow down, or just reacting less, chasing for shorter distances. I can't remember what it was like, the last time I chased after a dream.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
"You just got "The Knife" in the back, or Hadoken'ed, if you'd prefer. But this is commonplace in a broken social scene like the one we live in today." -Ben Moey.
posted by moet at 10:15 AM
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