Spiral
If I had a sequential checklist of things I wanted to do with my life, I figure that I'd be ticking the items off in reverse order right now.
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Yesterday I leveled up. Lindy Hop: 0 -> 1
I went to visit my roomie. Ah, the room is still full of the tender warmth we shared on those cold, stormy nights.
I think my health is improving from repeated floorball practices, haha.
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For those of you who don't know, I keep a list of the large sums of money owed to me in a note on my handphone; it was only recently that I was reminded that this practice of mine apparently goes way back. It seems that in Secondary Two, I used to keep a small blue book where, among other things, I wrote down the amounts that I lent to people. In retrospect, this probably had something to do with the dirty punks who borrowed money from me in Primary school and always ran off when I asked for it back.
The past keeps creeping on you. And each time it does, it always comes mixed into new situations and challenges, like a gift that keeps on growing -or a virus that keeps mutating- and opening new paths for us while closing others off. If the past is a problem, then it seems I'm going to be walking in a spiral until the day that the circles get too large and I can finally veer off into another direction.
So I'm here now, not quite sure whether I'm better off or worse than before. Caring more openly, but also looking the other way more than before. Able to just sit back and let things happen/go, but only because the need to hold on to something has provided more opportunities. Looking at someone and thinking that he is somewhat a revolting individual, and then feeling bad for being so judgmental and short-sighted, then feeling good for having such mature introspection, then feeling bad for feeling so good, then feeling bad for putting myself down...
The poet, William Butler Yeats thinks intellectual hatred a horrid thing, and feels that an opinion that must make itself known is abhorrent, something he'd prefer his daughter to avoid having...
I guess I have a few intellectual hatreds of my own. I hate Paulo Coelho (Even though I've only read one and a half of his books). I hate Twilight (Without having read anything but forum commentary. Lol.). I hate the 60% of all DOTA players who think getting Battlefury for every character they play is a good idea (Though my stance on this has softened somewhat.).
But I don't thoroughly understand even half of the things I dislike, and well, I've already received complaints that I take things too far sometimes, haha. I'm conscious of it a little too, so I guess it happens once in awhile. And recently, I may have been getting a glimpse of where this road-the holding on to, or building up of arguments for one's dislikes- leads... You start to close your mind off to other possibilities, and you get dismissive... I don't find it pretty.
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Yesterday I leveled up. Lindy Hop: 0 -> 1
I went to visit my roomie. Ah, the room is still full of the tender warmth we shared on those cold, stormy nights.
I think my health is improving from repeated floorball practices, haha.
---------
For those of you who don't know, I keep a list of the large sums of money owed to me in a note on my handphone; it was only recently that I was reminded that this practice of mine apparently goes way back. It seems that in Secondary Two, I used to keep a small blue book where, among other things, I wrote down the amounts that I lent to people. In retrospect, this probably had something to do with the dirty punks who borrowed money from me in Primary school and always ran off when I asked for it back.
The past keeps creeping on you. And each time it does, it always comes mixed into new situations and challenges, like a gift that keeps on growing -or a virus that keeps mutating- and opening new paths for us while closing others off. If the past is a problem, then it seems I'm going to be walking in a spiral until the day that the circles get too large and I can finally veer off into another direction.
So I'm here now, not quite sure whether I'm better off or worse than before. Caring more openly, but also looking the other way more than before. Able to just sit back and let things happen/go, but only because the need to hold on to something has provided more opportunities. Looking at someone and thinking that he is somewhat a revolting individual, and then feeling bad for being so judgmental and short-sighted, then feeling good for having such mature introspection, then feeling bad for feeling so good, then feeling bad for putting myself down...
The poet, William Butler Yeats thinks intellectual hatred a horrid thing, and feels that an opinion that must make itself known is abhorrent, something he'd prefer his daughter to avoid having...
I guess I have a few intellectual hatreds of my own. I hate Paulo Coelho (Even though I've only read one and a half of his books). I hate Twilight (Without having read anything but forum commentary. Lol.). I hate the 60% of all DOTA players who think getting Battlefury for every character they play is a good idea (Though my stance on this has softened somewhat.).
But I don't thoroughly understand even half of the things I dislike, and well, I've already received complaints that I take things too far sometimes, haha. I'm conscious of it a little too, so I guess it happens once in awhile. And recently, I may have been getting a glimpse of where this road-the holding on to, or building up of arguments for one's dislikes- leads... You start to close your mind off to other possibilities, and you get dismissive... I don't find it pretty.
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posted by moet at 7:27 AM
3 Comments:
i get it i get it....
YOUR HINT WAS SO OBVIOUS.
I will return you your $76.00 nett tomorrow!
IN FULL CASH, hehe.
Paranoid. Haha. I was just reflecting on my life hahahaha.
Oh well, please do return me in cash. Interest too ,please.
Btw marie and mych and I (moey) want to know if the trip can be slightly shorter... like 3 days 2 nights?
"tender warmth" eh? lol...
I found myself pondering the wisdom of judging others recently.. And I think in the end, a person who is confident of himself doesn't need to brag about it, or feel good that he is better than everyone else.
Rather he will use this insight to understand and through actions or words HELP others.
In the end saying "I knew it" give's you a moments smugness. But be humble and remember there will always be someone worse off or better off than ourselves.
So will you be better than the guy next to you? Or will you be your best?
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