Plots and Plans, Pots and Pans
"The peril of every fine faculty is the delight of playing with it for pride. Talent is commonly developed at the expense of character, and the greater it grows, the more is the mischief. Talent is mistaken for genius, a dogma or system for truth, ambition for greatness, ingenuity for poetry, sensuality for art." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
With equal parts self-deprecation and veiled narcissism, I often like to say that the only thing I consider myself truly good at is gaming. I come out on top in almost every game I play, regardless of who I'm with. I got every single soul available in Castlevania. I beat every special mission in Ninja Gaiden Black on Master Ninja mode. I've placed in almost every competition I've entered. I beat Starcaft 2 on... Normal mode. Lolz.
I'm well-versed with the many strategies utilizing aggression, passivity, and passive aggression; I pursued their learning with aggressive passion. I know that this will sound a bit comical given the subject matter, but the control feels good. I don't know if the root of this feeling of control is desperate escapism or/and plain addiction, but it was no problem in the past for me to go 12 hours a day playing. And apparently it still isn't a problem.
Chris, Aaron, Kei Seen, Alex... Together we've done the most ridiculous, overboard things, and we've jacked each other time and time again in-game, be it with rocket launchers, lightsabers, or a flight of backdooring mutalisks. Seriously, it gets freakin' ridonkulous at times. Haha.
If it was just that, it would be fine. But when you light a spark over a pile of dead branches, a fire starts. I think that's what it's like with me. It only takes a spark to get a fire going, lolz. I can cut myself out, but once I start up again, I'll feel myself burning to win and to improve and then win again... Playing 12 hours a day isn't a problem for me during these periods.
In itself, that doesn't bother so much. But I've come to a point where I've realized that, for myself (and perhaps most people), there's really only room inside for one pile of firewood, and one fire. Right now, I only have two big dreams in my life that I want to pursue, but every time I play, I find that afterwards, there's nothing left in me to burn for these dreams. For a while, I pursued them with all my being, and the hunger, the fire I felt then, was all-consuming. It burned in my belly and in my bones and in my mind. To this day, I have never experienced a time where I was more fulfilled, more overjoyed, more in-sync with the whole f***in' universe, than I was then. No man can serve two masters; he will either hate one or love the other, and a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.
At the end of the day though, my mind is not on the control. My mind is on what is far more important and precious than that. My mind is on what I hope will always stay the same even though circumstances may change, for that is what these things are, circumstances that brought together what is now bound together by a force greater than mere circumstance.
With equal parts self-deprecation and veiled narcissism, I often like to say that the only thing I consider myself truly good at is gaming. I come out on top in almost every game I play, regardless of who I'm with. I got every single soul available in Castlevania. I beat every special mission in Ninja Gaiden Black on Master Ninja mode. I've placed in almost every competition I've entered. I beat Starcaft 2 on... Normal mode. Lolz.
I'm well-versed with the many strategies utilizing aggression, passivity, and passive aggression; I pursued their learning with aggressive passion. I know that this will sound a bit comical given the subject matter, but the control feels good. I don't know if the root of this feeling of control is desperate escapism or/and plain addiction, but it was no problem in the past for me to go 12 hours a day playing. And apparently it still isn't a problem.
Chris, Aaron, Kei Seen, Alex... Together we've done the most ridiculous, overboard things, and we've jacked each other time and time again in-game, be it with rocket launchers, lightsabers, or a flight of backdooring mutalisks. Seriously, it gets freakin' ridonkulous at times. Haha.
If it was just that, it would be fine. But when you light a spark over a pile of dead branches, a fire starts. I think that's what it's like with me. It only takes a spark to get a fire going, lolz. I can cut myself out, but once I start up again, I'll feel myself burning to win and to improve and then win again... Playing 12 hours a day isn't a problem for me during these periods.
In itself, that doesn't bother so much. But I've come to a point where I've realized that, for myself (and perhaps most people), there's really only room inside for one pile of firewood, and one fire. Right now, I only have two big dreams in my life that I want to pursue, but every time I play, I find that afterwards, there's nothing left in me to burn for these dreams. For a while, I pursued them with all my being, and the hunger, the fire I felt then, was all-consuming. It burned in my belly and in my bones and in my mind. To this day, I have never experienced a time where I was more fulfilled, more overjoyed, more in-sync with the whole f***in' universe, than I was then. No man can serve two masters; he will either hate one or love the other, and a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.
At the end of the day though, my mind is not on the control. My mind is on what is far more important and precious than that. My mind is on what I hope will always stay the same even though circumstances may change, for that is what these things are, circumstances that brought together what is now bound together by a force greater than mere circumstance.
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posted by moet at 2:00 AM
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