Share and Declare

"To me, it feels like artists are very selfish. They're very much about 'How do I see the world?', 'How do I see life?' But when you're in a relationship, it's a different thing. You take into account the other person's point of view, so it's a weird conflict. Do you want to be an artist, or do you want to be in love?" -Rachel Yamagata, during a live performance of 'Duet'

Maybe it's because I'm doing writing class now, and it's all about expressing my perspective. Maybe it's because now, I feel have to entertain more, in spite of my inability to banter well. Maybe it's because I feel like a more important person now, someone whose every word ought to be listened to.

I could justify it (heh.) with as many reasons as I'd like, but the fact remains that recently, it's been easier to go out on a limb and ramble on about myself, and much harder to actively listen to what others have to say. I do this even though I know it abruptly breaks the flow of conversation sometimes. I guess it started out with me starting to think that everything I had to say was important, and it ended with me not knowing if anything I could say would make a difference to the ears of others.

It's partly because of all this that I'm grateful that I went on the Malaysia trip. More important than all the fun and games we had was the opportunity for me to get to understand the consequences of my actions, to have a first-hand look at how others felt. With some, I got to learn a little more about they're feelings and their way of thinking. With others, I came to accept that we can't get along with everyone.

And it makes me regret the way I've been feeling this semester. It makes me regret that I ever felt irritated by people like Dylan or ______ when they were dismissive. We shouldn't ever expect strangers to care about the things we say. More importantly, we should celebrate that we have people who are willing to listen to us and to laugh with us, regardless of how boring or unspectacular we can be.

That's why it's a blessing when we can have a long chat with someone who is willing to listen to us, no performing needed, and whom we can share thoughts and experiences with :)

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I think I find myself agreeing with what Rachel Yamagata said. When it comes to writing something, we can only ever truly write from our own perspectives, and one step away from that is the desire to put that perspective on display and let it impress/impress something upon people. I'm definitely generalizing a little too much, but I think that if you write something to someone (thus including their perspective in your writing) and you try to do it stylistically, there will come a point when art will take precedence over the message.

In this sense, plain language is the heart of communication, reflecting the desire to solve misunderstandings by getting exactly what you mean across, symbolizing the single-mindedness of a person whose only purpose is to let someone know he/she cares. These words won't have traces of the writer, but often come out the same way because of the fundamental nature of the message, "I love you." or "You're an important person". They'll never be counted as cliches, but they would certainly be unimpressive when removed from the context of a shared personal history.

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I try my best not to leave posts here that are written in anger or any other unbridled/unchecked emotion. It's not because the feelings aren't legitimate, or that they have to be suppressed. It isn't because (or just because) posts like those can ruin relationships. It's because, when I look back here a year from now, I want to see that what I've held onto are the resolutions and the important things, and that all the frustration and turmoil have been left behind to be forgotten.