Frames per second; a thunderstorm of opinion

When I was younger, I used to watch a lot of dramas with characters embroiled in conflicts caused by tragic misunderstandings. I can't remember what exactly I watched, but I clearly remember thinking how sad it was, the way things turned out for them, and that things could've ended so much better if they had just communicated better and expressed how they felt. I'm pretty sure I used to think that there wasn't any dispute between friends that couldn't be solved through talking things out. If everyone knew where the other was coming from, then we would all see that there isn't really anyone who's out to hurt anybody else... I guess 'bitterness' and 'pride' are foreign ideas to a child.

... More than anything right now, I want to write. I'm prepared to do the planning and the work. I acknowledge the importance of doing proper research and getting inspiration from the works of others... I'm desperate to know if this thing, which I've come to believe is something God may have planned for me, is something that could become real for me.

I don't know what to write about though. You have to believe in what you write- that's something I'm sure about. But all my ideals are crap. Lol... Ah who am I kidding I feel like shit but I'm still gonna see this through.

For HZ301 I relied too much on my natural instincts without giving any thought to planning. I didn't poke my head out of my own world to get enough inspiration, or to really get a sense of what would connect with large audiences... Several times I ran away from the painful work of sorting out my story by putting more time into analyzing and critiquing the work of my buddies... I am going to suffer for all of it grades-wise, pride-wise. But I'm going to get better, and God willing, I'm going to make this work.

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I've been arguing with Mom again over the past couple of days... I'm still trying to curb it and apologize when I can, but I can't help but see how easy it is for anger to re-ignite when there's been a history of past hurts... It only takes a spark.

One of the hardest things for a human to do is make the arduous climb toward recovery from a bad spiritual state. A state of laziness, a sense of worthlessness, a rage that always flares up... Making the choice to start climb back up from places like those is a difficult thing, and seeing it through, more so.

But anyway, though they're essentially bad things, these arguments have given me some insight into things:

1. Poetic ambiguity/ Deliberate ambiguity

Some people take delight in the mystery and intrigue surrounding deliberately ambiguous statements. They enjoy the exploration of the possibilities of meaning found within such words, which can possess much gravity and mystique if crafted well.

Personally I've always favored direct and straightforward communication, but I do admit that there have been times that I've felt contempt towards writers who don't seem interesting in communicating their ideas as well (especially some sociology writers). In the end though, I have to admit that deliberate ambiguity has its advantages, and that it is important not to ignore important messages that may be hidden within writing that is done in this style. In some ways, it means we can do more with less words... In the first place I should develop more patience and respect for this way of doing things, even if it isn't something I gravitate to naturally.

2. Attitude

In my life there've been certain people who I feel have always used sweeping statements and deliberate ambiguity to win arguments, qualifying their statements by telling me to go and think about it more... I've always felt that these people aren't really interested in teaching anything, but rather are more interested in being admired once the puzzle they present is 'unlocked'.

Though I feel this way, it's also true that there are some things about life that can't be expressed well in direct words, or which cannot be taught through discussion alone... In that sense, I guess I have to be more willing to reserve judgment.

What occurred to me recently though is that in judging them, and in being unwilling to put down my pride to accept the truths that I can see in their words... In my proud rejection of their 'attitude', what becomes clear is that I myself and not willing to humble myself and commit to learning what I can from their teachings. I say that they are not interested in teaching me, but at the same time I'm more focused on their flaws than I am on learning what I can from what they say. They may or may not wish to teach, but what is clear is that I don't wish to be taught either.

3. Sweeping statements

I was going to debate the advantages of making sweeping statements that are 'essentially/mostly' true, but in the end I realize... No matter how right you are, NOBODY likes sweeping statements. It's better to acknowledge another party's point of view than to sweep away every detail of an issue just to blatantly declare your 'essential' correctness.

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If God is meant to be in the center of our life, then what does that mean for people who write? What is God-centered writing supposed to be like?