All these lost things

19 hours to go before I go looking to get it all back. And then some.

Things will never be the picture-perfect way I want them, but... I trust you.

And for that thing which no person can give me, I'll look to God.

Nobody's going to read our minds. We've got to say how we feel.

"Fear is a friend who's misunderstood, but I know the heart of life is good"

It's so tempting to think at times that we're just playing cards with each other, one goading the other into bidding too high, or showing his hand too early. Minimum effort for maximum results.

Maybe it's Marie's post, the things I've seen and heard recently, or just too much sociology. Asymmetrical relationships, stars and subgroups, and performances. Two, three years down the road... "Maybe they'll short sell you, or maybe it's you, Judas, in the end". Life really is more complicated now. We bring our egos into the equation, and we hold our cards closer to our chest.

I'm sure that the way we choose to see things, the choice to believe that people (us included) are fundamentally good, makes all the difference. Something I've always wondered about though, is how much self-disclosure/sharing is healthy, before an act that should be based on trust becomes based on distrust. Sometimes, if we trust people, we'll tell them our troubles. Other times, we'll say nothing at all. Faith can be like a walk on the clouds, and yet at times it can only start from a position of honest doubt and questioning.

Every shared thing is either bringing us together or pulling us further apart.

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But sometimes, people do things that make you feel like you can't help but trust them completely. Even something small like looking after a book. =/

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Face-to-face relations ftw.

"To shine from above"

"My, what beautiful, thick skin you have." (Moey, 2009)

"-Stares at chest-" -Somebody, to somebody else, for entirely innocent reasons.

"It fills me with an excitement I don't understand"-Mych on playing L4D (paraphrased)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1lIvZSpe8gE

Indisputably one of the best game openings of all time. People don't make them like they used to.

Weili's story about Psychomantis in Metal Gear Solid 1 really tickled me. They really, really don't make em like they used to.




Monday has passed. Burn in hell, Berg, both you and your utterly unhelpful book.

Out of shape

I'm Okay... You're Okay.

Haha. We'd better believe it.

I'll meet your eyes with mine. And if you're not looking, I will wave frantically.

For the longest time, I've been telling myself that chocolate cream is comparable to strawberry cream. Foolishness. Haha.

It bothers my pride somewhat that Weili and Marie have scored better than me in virtually everything this semester. To say the least, I've experienced some very humbling moments today. Hahaha. Thank God for that. I hope.

Somehow a part of me has come to dread talking to people. But not anymore, if things go well.

All this reflection and revelation, amidst the chaos of studying and the sting/relief of having to eat humble pie. Haha. Goodbye 4.75 GPA. I liked you less than I knew.

resolve

'Is your focus on the feeling of expending effort, or on getting the job done?'

For those of us who've always felt we're trying so hard but not getting results, this might be a good question to ask ourselves.

A cold breeze blows past, and you shiver as if it's going right through you, reminding you of the hollowness inside, the hole that the pointless passing of years made. You're so stretched out that you've gone from being blind to others to being blind to your own existence. You've lost your hope in life, and perhaps your hope in what lies beyond as well, so you cling on to anything that chances/happens to float by.

If it happens to you, what would your reaction be? If you see it happening right next to you, what would/should you (be bothered to) (dare to) (think to) do?

Perhaps the idea that 'our greatest enemy is ourselves' is less relevant in some societies than others. Does it suggest something?

Random encounters

I had many random encounters today. What do they mean? Well, I've learned that GPA is not as temporary as we think it is, and that it's not always my fault if the conversation doesn't carry as well as it should.

I feel like I can do my best now. Hope it's enough.

Moody.

Diplomacy, doves, and many faces.

Ho ho was not a game I grew up with.

It'll be good to disconnect, to disentangle from it all once the exams are over.

Acting out, waiting for a reaction

"Sickeningly cute and sweet"

One Bauman reading down. 4 articles to go.

I've become a victim of the Demon Barber of Fleet Street. On the bright side, I'm really working on my hair waxing skills.

I've been reaching into my bag for some cultural capital but coming up empty. C'mon benji, you can think of something.

"Know your endgame. Most importantly, know what it is that motivates you."-Gabriel Gray/Sylar, Heroes Season 3 Part 2 (paraphrased)

Heroes Season 3 part 2 is surprisingly watchable!

The Devil is in the Details

"A heretic praying in a church. Passing bold, Ramza." -Delita, Final Fantasy Tactics PSP

I spent one hour last night trying to sing to "So Close". I guess all I can do is listen to it for now. My mom's suggestion to take singing lessons is suddenly much more appealing.

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Kseen told me one night that when given the choice, he reads Naruto before reading Bleach, so that he can get over the disappointment early. Haha.

The latest Claymore is awesome.

In Katsura Hoshino's (D.Gray Man Author) inner world:

Good guys are pretty.
Evil guys are sexy. Sexy= Curly hair+lopsided grin/thin, wry smile/smirk

If you're Allen Walker, then you've suddenly got the best of both worlds.

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Friday night's conversation with Jevon and Kader took a most unique turn. I had to look over my shoulder a couple of times. Lol. One thing it made me realize was that I take too much for granted. Most unsociological. Haha... Well, sometimes you just need to get some carbon out of the valves. Talking with Jevon on the MRT reminded me once more that I sometimes lack an eye for details.

Gran Torino was a great movie. Review required at a later date, haha. If you're reading this Mark, go and watch it! Clint Eastwood is epic.

It's silly how the smallest things can disappoint, when we know we can only get what others are prepared to give. It's ironic how we think we've been let down, when in fact we were the ones who did the disappointing. It's funny how much we find we have in common with people we find revolting. Time comes to a standstill when you don't know when you might have to pay for your defiance.

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I got to spend some long overdue time with Working Woman Wanyi Wendy Woo today. I'm surprised how much we have in common in terms of our problems... and I wish I hadn't missed church two weeks ago.

If, after you've reflected you still can't find an answer, just go through the motions, and wait.

Given the C+

Caroline Pluss pwned Weili, I, Sharon, and Germaine (her, most of all) this afternoon. 4 C+s in the making.

Reading countless pages of sociology articles and overindulging in randomness has brought me to the point that it's actually a chore for me to put down events or thoughts in writing.