Peddling the Meddling

To me, the way people choose their words is important. I think saying too much is just as bad as clamming up at times... Honesty and frankness are generally accepted as good qualities, but I think that people can be deceitful at heart even as they tell the truth plainly. I only have a vague and unclear idea that the Bible does not advocate lying (where the scripture is regarding this), but on an emotional level I don't really know if I should condemn the practice, especially given the wide and oft-argued definition of what makes a lie (lie of omission, acting differently with different people...) I do accept that if somebody prides themselves on lying for the sake of the greater good, then they are going down a wrong path... I agree that what the Bible says is true regarding words spoken: Choice of words sets apart the wise and the foolish. Every word spoken can build up or break down others. More importantly, I think that every spoken word builds or breaks your own self as you speak them. You shape the words and the words shape you.

I recall the speaker during church camp talking about the kind of situation where telling a lie seems like the only right thing to do. He used the example of War time in Germany: If a Christian person hides Jews in his house, and a Nazi officer knocks on his/her door and asks him if he is sheltering anybody, should the Christian tell a lie to save them, or be honest and give them up? The speaker's conclusion was this: Tell the officer a lie and save the refugees, and then pray for forgiveness for not having the faith to do things in a less contradictory way.

Finding the right balance (or more accurately, knowing when to be which) between honesty and reservedness, glibness and seriousness, and frankness and subtlety is important to me. Having enough perspective (others') to know when to be harsh and when to be gentle is just as crucial. Knowing when you sin or betray yourself with your words is, to me, often the hardest thing.

Having balance and perspective has always been an ideal to me, but I've changed somewhat in that I'm beginning to realize the importance of timing, rhythm, and tangible details in life. Being in the middle ground is probably less important than knowing when to be what, as long as you don't get lost... Well, I believe that regardless of whether I sink into the depths of paranoia, or rise to dizzying heights of overconfidence, God will be willing to admonish me and show me where I've gone wrong.


I think that whether or not I like a person is more of a Yes/No question to me. People can do the nicest things and possess the most endearing charm; others can do seemingly mean and insensitive things and seem grouchy and unapproachable... I am sure that everyone has mixed motives behind their altruistic actions, a little self-affirmation, a little calculation, idealism, a tad of moodiness, and maybe some real love too, goodness or the wish to be good (just as important, if not as real). Ultimately, only God knows what is in their heart and who the ones are who please him; if people were trees, he is the only one who could know how deep their roots go.
I can only reflect, make decisions on who I trust, accept my fallibility, and move on... Perhaps I don't articulate clearly to myself why I like certain people, or I am just wishy-washy and thoughtless that way. Haha. I guess I use my gut and impressions to judge people more than I pay attention to details.

Perhaps I shall put up my materialistic list of wants for the november sale the next time I blog =/

Balance

What does it mean to have a heart this calm? Is it maturity, a coming-of-age? Is it a foundation of God's love for me? As long as its not emotional repression, I think it's fine =/

I'm not used to being this stable. Being unstable sometimes lets you know you're alive. Haha.

No.1 Rule of Pro: Don't showhand till the last moment!

Overwhelmed by the Awesomeness.

Code Geass is awesome.

Built to Last

I don't think I've ever been more keenly aware of how important some good exercise and time alone can be to having a sense of calm and balance. A few unexpected things happened this weekend, and I don't think I would have been able to handle them as well (relatively) as I did if I hadn't had this sense of tranquility.

I've received many new perspectives from a lot of different people, mainly about family and friends. I realize now that when it comes to friendships, I've always had a 'black and white' view of things. If the friends that matter to me are close at hand, I feel secure, but if they seem distant and unreachable then I get deeply discouraged and pessimistic about the friendship... Only recently was I convinced by a couple of people that even if a friend seems indifferent, I should leave things open-ended instead of cutting off ties. They told me that friends would be closer at some points in life and more distant in others.

I realized that I was the same. There are some friendships that I've either been unable or unwilling to put in as much commitment to as I used to in the past. I don't blame myself for it, and I don't blame them either. We're just at different points in our lives and sometimes there is less common ground to share. It feels a little sad because it makes friendships seem so much more transient, so much less lasting than I'd always believed they'd be... I guess that the further away we get from each other, the more fun it'll be when we finally catch up (if it's a solid friendship). Haha... I've already accepted the belief that while being a good friend and having good friends can be a part of my identity, I can't let it be the foundation of that identity.

Haha. Let me leave it at this. Friendships that stay in the past will languish if that past fades... And the past will fade, be it sooner or later.




Secrecy Delicacy Tactfulness Discretion Subtlety

Honesty Frankness Openness Expressiveness Communicative


Equivocal Deceitful Cunning

Blunt Insensitive Foolish




Word Challenge is more fun that Dota.

Languish-

1.	to be or become weak or feeble; droop; fade.

2.	to lose vigor and vitality.

3.	to undergo neglect or experience prolonged inactivity; suffer hardship and distress: to languish in prison for ten years.

4.	to be subjected to delay or disregard; be ignored: a petition that languished on the warden's desk for a year.

5.	to pine with desire or longing.

6.	to assume an expression of tender, sentimental melancholy.

–noun

7.	the act or state of languishing.

8.	a tender, melancholy look or expression.

handwritingwizard.com

Benjamin is moderately outgoing. His emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, he can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person's shoes.

Benjamin will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad. He has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because he is in between. Psychology calls Benjamin an ambivert. He understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, he will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." He doesn't sway too far one way or the other.

When convincing him to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to him. He puts himself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet he will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Benjamin is an expressive person. He outwardly shows his emotions. He may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story.

Benjamin is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to. He basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Benjamin doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Benjamin will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Benjamin believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

Benjamin will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

In reference to Benjamin's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Benjamin slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Benjamin can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Benjamin's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Benjamin that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Benjamin also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Benjamin is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Benjamin's self-concept is artificially low. Benjamin will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Benjamin to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Benjamin is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Something is incomplete in Benjamin's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Benjamin's sexual needs.

Benjamin exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although he may not intend to deceive or mislead, he blows things way out of proportion because that is the way he views them. He will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of his material world. Benjamin allows many people into his life because he is accepting and trusting. He is sometimes called gullible by his friends. That only really means that he trusts too many people. Benjamin has a vivid imagination.

I shouldn't have picked that stupid Y. Haha.

Aside from that, this was a most refreshing exercise. I've got to enroll in a handwriting course someday.

The best anime I've ever watched

Code Geass (both seasons)- epic scale conflicts running alongside narratives of intimate relationships. Over-the-top drama combined with compelling themes of revenge, ambition, love, truth, and lies. Awesome music and visual style (and theme). A perfect example of what a stable and decent budget can do for production quality.

Tenggan Toppa Gurren Lagann- Epic. EPIC. BIG. GIGANTIC. ENORMOUS. COLOSSAL. TOWERING. MASSIVE. GARGANTUAN. MANLY SPIRIT IN ITS PUREST CONCENTRATION.

Full Metal Panic- Incredible action and over-the-top comedy. Saccharine sweet at times. Ridiculously funny main character and lovable supporting cast.

Fullmetal Alchemist- Meaningful themes (I won't say they were deeply explored though, it wasn't that kind of show). Emotional and compelling storyline. Lovable characters. Melancholy.

Samurai Champloo- Very, very hip.

Bamboo Blade- Moe milking. Tamaki, a little girl, has a more awesome battle roar than any guy in anime history.

Shadow Skill- Celtic music! Mightiness!

Rurouni Kenshin- Classic.

Rozen Maiden- Very alternative. Enchanting and original music and visuals.

Gensomaden Saiyuki- High on action and high on emo.

5 centimeters- Details, details.

Shugo Chara- I watched ten episodes. I admit it. Cuteness.

Ouran High School Host Club- OVER THE TOP humor. Cross-demographic appeal.

Shin Angyo Onshi- If it was an anime.

Tower of Druaga- Something special about it. Wicked sense of humor.

Gundam 0083- Substance without all the flashiness of recent Gundam series.

Graveyard of the Fireflies- Depressing.

Nodame Cantabile- Light-hearted. Ridiculous.

D.Gray Man- Manga

I'm sure something is missing from this list. Help out if you can. Ha.

Something's changed.

Something's changed. It started around army time, with people in camp and (initially) harrowing experiences in church, but I now I feel it even more keenly than before... Bad days don't crush me like they used to. I don't feel as insecure when my friends seem distant... A lot of things remain unresolved in a lot of places, but somehow I have more faith that things will work out in the end. I guess I trust my friends and myself more too. I'm holding my breath to see if it's for real, but more and more it feels like I'm being granted what I've been praying for after so long...

Something changed. It started around army time, with trials and adventures on a far away isle. I don't know you as well as I used to. Is it me? Or is that just how life is? I'll admit that sometimes, the way I've tried to engage you was not as elegant as it could have been. It wasn't always based on trust. Now though, I can honestly say that I am trying, even though I know I may come across as too flippant at times. Haha. I feel like I'm sinking to a lower level by talking like this. Gosh this is pretty bad =/ but if this is enough for you, then I'll accept things as they are. You're still one of the people in my life who I respect the most.


I didn't realize how stressful the past week had been until this afternoon. I've had a lot of exercise over the weekend, and sitting around the house today, watching anime and doing some reading, I felt a strong sense of peace and balance. The things which would usually tick me off didn't even faze me one bit. I resolve to pay more attention to my body from now on.

Decadent Lavish Extravagant

'The truth is the truth.'-Max Weber

There should be punctuation marks to differentiate between one's statement of assertion and a statement of surety.

I would never do something like that. (I won't.)

I would never do something like that. (I'm sure.)

I think that if the English language made such differentiations, it would be easier for people to reflect on their attitude towards things, whether or not they are getting overconfident. (Edit:271008)

I wish there was a word for something that is the beginning and perpetuation of itself, other than 'self-perpetuating'.

Scrambled and scrambling.

I got a pair of new pens today. They're really great to write with and easy on the fingers too. The ink inside is white and milky in color though, so I guess it mixed with something in the bottom half of the pen. Paul's fountain pen is still really nice to write with, though. When it's used on good paper, the effect is gorgeous. Still, it would cost $75 to import. Hmmm.

Learning french and soci at the same time is killing my ability to write and speak the english language. My spelling and grammar usage are beginning to sink to the level of... somebody. You know who you are. That's right. I'm a hypocrite who has made the same mistakes. Some of the soci readings we do are spawned by some of the laziest and self-indulgent writers I've ever seen, people who write in a round-about, indirect way and invent pointless words. Instead of saying contentions, one writer decided to forgo the checking the dictionary to come up with 'contestations'. WTF. It's 'mind-meltingly' bad.

Candidate candidate candidate contentions candidate contentions cue composure composition command commence commend commentary compensation certify can cannot crucible crew crack cringe curry correlate cause cling clam clamp cram cramp contentions controvery concurrent current cropped care cream carrot corn corny cake cure curator course concern

In spite of all that, things have been going well for me in school. I did pretty well for the HS102 presentation and for the test (comparatively). HW101 isn't giving any problems and the French test went well too. I've met plenty of nice people and made new friends too :) hall life with Kei has been harmonious for the most part. Haha. I'm still acutely aware that it is not NUS FASS, and that it stumps people somewhat when they ask me what I'm studying in NTU :( but I'm finding so far that it's been nothing but God's blessing that I could get a place here.

I cannot discern if our teachers and program are truly effective compared to the many other places that teach sociology in the world. I can say that I think they're a great bunch on the whole, with some standing out as either very knowledgeable or very motivated and invested in their teaching. Of course, there is one lecturer who is the exception to this. Haha. On the other hand, they're still only half the equation. The other half is my own attitude towards learning. I still have much to figure out in terms of direction, because although I can relate to, and enjoy what I'm learning, I still don't know where it will take me. I do roughly know what I want to do in future though, I think.

Still, though I'm rather comfortable here at this point in time, I guess I still have to think about whether this is where I should be. My mom always reminds me to not be so limited in my thinking, and I have often been guilty getting too attached to my immediate environment. Hmmm. The world is a big place, and I've only explored 0.00001% of the world map, too. Haha. It's not good to always conform to one standard, narrow build of life. Lol. It's been too long since I last played DOTA.

Note to self: Make the socio. path chart.

The Sent Folder

If you want a brutally honest look at your development as a person over the past few years, and if you can bear the embarrassment, go take a peek inside your sent folders for friendster, email, and facebook. It's very telling, at least in my case. Haha.

Hesitate. Stutter. Trip...

...balance. Breath. Walk.

I wanted to blog yesterday night but I was defeated by my HS102 readings and fell asleep. I had a conversation with Sharon about friendship. Some people choose their friendships based on whether or not they hit it off right away. Perhaps some people screen their friends more consciously. It got me thinking that perhaps I never consciously chose most of my close friends. I imagine that I sort of gravitated towards them, or that the friendships just happened. I don't recall that I had a very conscious process of filtering my friends or thinking about those friendships often... Well for some time I've always thought that you can make acquaintances but you can't make a close friendship, although you can maintain them. I always believed that close friendships were something that unfolded by themselves naturally. Haha.

I'm not sure if I think differently now... Hmmm I have too many thoughts on this to complete it now so I'll edit it at a later time.


Hummmmmm.

How I Met Your Mother

Today I realized why I liked HIMYM so much. Although the humor is not particularly complex, and though the acting is sometimes rough around the edges, I find that HIMYM manages to capture a lot about the reality of friendships. There are the obsessive contextual jokes that would never be funny outside your circle, cute and somewhat awkward moments when you do something that's borders on plain weird but your friends laugh and accept it anyway, exciting as well as unsettling moments when you discover new things about each other, and quiet periods when you're just passing time together.

The characters have a different dynamic with each other, and you can see how the producers gave each relationship varying levels of intimacy (this is most obvious in the Marshall-Robin relationship- For various reasons they simply don't become so close and there are little to no 1-to-1 conversations between them). That's what I don't like about Friends. The friendships of the friends in 'Friends' never seemed to have that defining character about them. They all felt like plot devices, at least compared to what I'm seeing in HIMYM now. But I guess the two can't really be compared as they each have very different points of emphasis. HIMYM is very story-driven and intensive, while Friends is probably more focused on providing light-hearted, accessible entertainment.

HIMYM doesn't have perfect execution or complex scripts, but it rocks because its charmingly nostalgic and intimate...... I'd just like to make a note here to anyone who has watched the show: Doesn't the face of the main character, Ted, look very, very evil? Sick? Twisted? Malevolent? Manipulative? Sadistic? Opportunistic?



My dad bought me a Swiss army knife today. What shall I do with it?

HS102 feels too big for me to get a sense of easily. I'm shirking the work right now. Damn 100 pages.

I and Vicki started on Tales of Vesperia today. The opening song was downright horrible, but the game is otherwise living up to standards.

Speaking of horrible, my condolences to all who have been following the Blassreiter anime to the end. It's indeed a perplexing ending.


I had dinner with Chris and Amy the yesterday night. We talked about good movies, bad movies, school, her boyfriend (???), books. It's pretty much a confirmed fact that people who do not join the orientation camps for hall will have an incredibly hard time breaking in to the community. Hearing her talk about her boyfriend made me think back to two of my favorite books, 'Attachments' and 'The Five Love Languages'... I honestly believe that the ideas in those books could make the world a better place. Hmmm. Perhaps I shall buy a copy for Brendan's birthday, along with his main 21st gift.

I'm making it a note to catch 'Doomsday' somehow. It sounds like an epic bad movie. Haha.


There's something I've been thinking about for some time. Is there a word in the English language to describe something that is self-perpetuating, something that is a cause and an effect of itself? If not I guess self-perpetuating will just have to do... Soci seems to describe a lot of things that are self-perpetuating in some sense, and it gets tedious to see different writers express this in varying degrees of convoluted writing.

I haven't done any writing recently. Gotta find time for it.