Killer lines

---------------------------

"You've heard of bodies rejecting their transplants. Well, in this case, your transplant is rejecting your body."

"I was an analyst, then a therapist, then the world's first Analrapist." (paraphrased)

"If someone asked you to embrace the Holy Trinity, what would you think they meant?"

Bob Loblaw lobs Law Bomb

----------------------------

"And like can lead to like like, and like like can lead to love!"

Let's find some new hobbies...

...Because we're both not quite as good as we used to be, haha. It's not good for me to even touch it, getting caught up with the idea of being good again, with feeling in control in a controlled situation with awfully few variables, with thinking that it means anything substantial at all... Maybe it doesn't affect you the same way... Still, LAN is still okay, and very justifiable, sort of. Haha =/

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mark you're right, I do have a flair for needless dramatization. Haha.

Somehow I have this vague recollection of somebody telling me that, in a disparaging tone... Besides my Mom, that is..

... Maybe people have been telling me my character flaws for a long time now, but I just haven't been listening...

... But I'm so very loveable... Nah... Can't be.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think that one of the most important lessons I learned this holiday is that sometimes, all we can (or need to) do is wait, if we want a reconnection or the blossomiing of a friendship. Time, and trust that God put these people in our lives for a reason, so they won't go that easily =/ God reaffirmed that for me in a small but special way today, and I'm really happy that I got to share about it with Wanyi, and Ashley, by extension...

Both the small things and the big things help me believe in God... Like the way my Internet connection often manages to fail when I start to consider playing a game or two, even though I feel doubt-ridden at the time.

So I'll wait with all the calm I can muster. And work on my girlfriend plan in the meantime.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can't read my, can't read my, no he can't read mmy, poker face...

I've been listening to an acoustic version of this that has hints of melancholy, bittersweetness, and cabaret sound. (flavor?)(dynamics?).. Whatever this Lady Gaga is like in person, she's really impressed upon me her uniqueness, reclusiveness, and f*****-up-ness.

Southern Comfort

Southern Comfort.

Someone's msn nick was, "Sometimes charity is a beautiful thing." I balked at first, thinking it was absurd. Then I laughed. Haha charity in Singapore has already been revealed to be only beautiful, sometimes.

I wanted to wax lyrical, but this formula says it all.

Three guys, a comfortable bed, closet beastiality, shark hats, and gratuitous gay innuendo => A turn for the worse. Questionable fun. LOL.

Ambiguous blog post+ Selective retelling of the day's events => A S-course shaped road leading to something worse.

Yesterday I finally realized why I'm not attracted to sunshine girls.

Two days ago, I bought a shirt that might make me lose some of my more close-minded, conservative friends.

Gotta get me some Southern Comfort.

Red Bull is in fact, a nice tasting drink.

I was thinking of buying a drink after work today. And that was what I did (though it was not the one I wanted), thanks to my dear general manager. He's definitely made a lasting impression on me, to say the least.

Yesterday I learned that I could switch off my Ipod Touch.

Recently talk with the fellowship has, among 'other' things, been about change, specifically the changes and growth we've seen in friends, relationships, and perspectives. We've all grown in terms of our level of maturity and our appreciation of the importance of friends and the smaller things in life. In other ways, we've (thankfully/unfortunately) stayed the same, heh. It's that unlikely mix of the nostalgic old and the refreshing new, existing side by side, that makes meeting up such a comfort. Seeing things change each year while remaining, somehow, essentially the same, carries with it so many undertones of irony, reassurance, and wonderment all at once.

It's like drinking wine... Okay I don't drink wine, but it's what I think drinking wine would be like.

I've been looking at some of my friends' blog archives, and it has been really interesting to compare the differences between their writing styles then and now. Some of the issues that they've had to deal with since many years ago still persist, though their perspectives on these problems have changed. Back then, we were only dimly aware of, and unable to articulate the problems that we're so cognizant of now.

Some of the things they've written just take me completely by surprise. It may be just words, but the level of maturity and goodwill that they suggest, well... it's impressive, to say the least =/ It's not because I think poorly of them, rather, I just wasn't aware of it beforehand.

Since my maid left, my mom had deemed it fit that she should come in to inspect the state of my room. Unpleased she was, with what she beheld, and this led to a spring cleaning that left no stone unturned. My room is at least 30% less cluttered now. Though it looked like a semi-clean/presentable, albeit messy room from the outside, once I (rather, my Mom) looked closer I found that there was dirt and dust in a lot of hidden places, and it was actually filled with tons of junk rather than useful things... My maid obviously didn't bother to clean. Neither did I, haha.

This is a story I found on a friend's blog archive...

An Old Man and His Dog

An old man and his dog were walking along a country road, enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to the man that he had died. He remembered dying, and realized, too, that the dog had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road would lead them, and continued onward.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall, white arch that gleamed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He was pleased that he had finally arrived at heaven, and the man and his dog walked toward the gate. As he got closer, he saw someone sitting at a beautifully carved desk off to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, but is this heaven?"

"Yes, it is, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up." The gatekeeper gestured to his rear, and the huge gate began to open.

"I assume my friend can come in..." the man said, gesturing toward his dog.

But the reply was, "I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought about it, then thanked the gatekeeper, turned back toward the road, and continued in the direction he had been going. After another long walk, he reached the top of another long hill, and he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate. There was no fence, and it looked as if the gate had never been closed, as grass had grown up around it. As he approached the gate, he saw a man just inside, sitting in the shade of a tree in a rickety old chair, reading a book.

"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there," the man said, pointing to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in and make yourself at home."

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.

"He's welcome too, and there's a bowl by the pump," he said. They walked through the gate and, sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a dipper hanging on it and a bowl next to it on the ground. The man filled the bowl for his dog, and then took a long drink himself.
When both were satisfied, he and the dog walked back toward the man, who was sitting under the tree waiting for them, and asked, "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is heaven," was the answer.

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "It certainly doesn't look like heaven, and there's another man down the road who said that place was heaven."

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?"

"Yes, it was beautiful."

"Nope. That's hell."

"Doesn't it offend you for them to use the name of heaven like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but it actually saves us a lot of time. They screen out the people who are willing to leave their best friends behind."

The man had to have had a really strong character to be able to make the right choice when he was so off-guard, in an unreal setting with the final prize within reach... To have that sort of character, he must have chosen to make the right decisions many times over in his earthly life, secret choices in his heart that no other human being knew about.

The roof is on FIRE.

FIRE. THE ROOF IS ON FIRE.

FDS-SBAB conducts nighttime covert operations on rooftops now. Sweet.

Things worth keeping

Wednesday night was a lot more than I expected. All of the Secondary school gang got to meet up and catch up over cheap dinner and expensive LAN. Aaron brought us to his home territory at Zouk, and we all sat down and got to know some new people over a few drinks. His friends are car people, who I am generally biased against, but they turned out to be pretty nice once we started talking.

Oh, and this was one of the rare occasions when we were all wearing collared shirts. Hahaha.

We caught up and talked about old times (Something that I've invariably found that works well with guys but not always girls), and I guess I got to see a side of the birthday boy that I'd always wondered about. It's not as different as I had expected, haha, which is... a good thing, when I think about it. I realized then that up till these past few years, I have not been conscious enough in my dealings with my friends. I haven't struck that balance till now, roughly... about there. And we haven't been meeting up quite as much as I'd prefer, which is probably due to a number of good reasons and a few bad ones such as complacency, haha.

We've gone through secondary school, Oldham Hall, JC/Poly times, and many ruthless DOTA/LF2/L4D/Starcraft/JK2/JK3/CS/UT2K4/CSMOD conflicts together, and we've always had each others' backs or backstabbed each other in one way or another, haha. Here's to many more years of the same and also comparing of sexual exploits! Okay maybe not that last one.

And please keep in mind that you'll be getting some free lunches and LAN sessions for our next few meet-ups.

Part 2

I think I learned a lot of things from my most recent work stint. I learned how to smile at strangers and make perfunctory banter. I learned that being a waiter is a mixed bag because you meet both friendly people and the most unbelievable jackasses.

I learned that I'm most effective with mothers, old people, people who are alone, and people who speak French (YES.). On the flip side, I learned that I'm not good at 'bro bro' banter, neither am I good at keeping up with boisterous people.

I learned not to take things so personally. Most of the time, anyway. Sometimes we're just out of control. Sometimes.

I learned that if you just open your mouth and ask, people might buy another round of drinks, or order a $100 bottle of wine, or even invite you to a table and give you free beer.

I learned that angels live among us, and some of them wait tables. I mean Daphne, of course. Okay I don't, but it doesn't mean you're not a good waitress, sister! HAHAHA.

Though I used to picture myself as someone opposed to 'superficial' social jokes, I came to realize that these kinds of set pieces are ways of letting people know that you understand where they come from.

I learned that I'm not particularly... refined in my people-reading skills.

Through Donah, I got to take a look at myself in the mirror... and I saw that I set low standards for myself, and maybe others too, by consequence.

I learned that if you ask God to be there for you, He will be there for you, even if you're not the son you ought to be, even if you've walked away for some time.

Kept at arms length

So I left. Staying felt wrong, but so did leaving. But perhaps it was staying as I was that constituted the bulk of the problem. "Caught between a rock and a hard place" really applies.

Should. Would. Could. Maybe. Not.

The Brothers Bloom

If you're reading this now, go to a movie theater website and book tickets to 'The Brothers Bloom'. It doesn't matter who you're going with, or even if you watch it alone. At the risk of being insensitive, I venture that even blind people would like/love this movie.

Rebelling against the rebellion/ Resisting the anti-conformity movement

My stint at Queen and Mangosteen officially ended yesterday. Even the smallest actions can have big consequences, so in retrospect, I'm glad I called my Dad to come along to my last day of work. If they hadn't been there, I would have left early, and I would have missed out on Josh's free Chocolate Mint Martini and a chance to say farewell to Amal.

I want to write about the things that happened on my last day of work, as well as to reflect on what I've gained from my time working at the QnM.

There was an insane early evening rush which I think I handled well enough as food runner, but I started to make small mistakes by around 8.30pm or so. Chef Eric was yelling at various people, including myself, from 6 to 8, and by 9pm, he made some disparaging comment about my performance last Sunday and followed that up by shouting at me for something I didn't do, so I yelled at him back.

I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I'm pretty happy that I shouted back at him. I'd been wanting to make up for what happened on Sunday, and I felt that my performance that evening was generally good, and that I did not require him to reproach me. On the other hand, like Rob Bell once said, "Every act is a spiritual act.", and I realized the truth of this a little the next morning, when I felt easily irritated and tempted to shout at my Mom for nagging at me about my messy room. (It was, in fact, terribly messy.)

We had a lot of visitors. Clara and her best friend, Cheryl came. They were gracious customers, haha, and Clara liked the Fruit Crumble a lot, heh. My dad and my youngest brother came as well. Clement and Weili came by, but they didn't enter, and we were so busy that we didn't even have time to have a word with them. (Daph and I owe you both drinks.) A fish came swimming by too, but that's another story =/

We said our goodbyes to the people we wanted to say goodbye to. I do wish that Chef Patrick had been there, though. Funny how my last week of work should end up with one significant disappointment, and one basket of bread dropped (My 100% no-drop streak ended there). In a way, I feel it was God's way of humbling me, and showing me just how much it mattered that He was with me as I worked. I wasn't quite as awesome as I thought I was, haha. I still think I'm not bad as a waiter, though.

Amal came to say goodbye as I zig-zagged my way to the exit (I was tipsy.). She's definitely the person I'll miss the most, there, with all her niceness and her silliness. I'm pretty glad I got to talk with her a couple of times before I left. Ah well, I'll make it a point to come in at 5pm and learn more about cocktails from Josh, so I guess I'll see more of her, hopefully. Haha. Damn. I've become like the Ang Moh regular who has a thing for Donah.

End Part 1

Broken Social Scene.

In spite of Weili's gloomy forecast, the Soci BBQ turned out to be a rather enjoyable event. The atmosphere was warm and lively, and there was enough food to go around as well. Getting to hear everyone's voices again was pleasant, and I also got to meet the newest addition to the ranks of the Soci cohort, Yan Sen.

Halfway through the event, I started becoming a little detached... Working at the Queen and Mangosteen has made me keenly aware of the limitations of my social skills (bro bro), so I started to observe myself as I interacted with others, wondering if things ought to be different... Somehow, when I'm in a setting with my sociology peers, there's a part of me that feels driven to come on out top, to be the most popular, the most successful, the most well-liked person. I feel a niggling sense of inferiority and frustration if I don't feel I fulfill these criteria, and a part of me wonders what it would be like if I could laugh at every joke, catch every signal, hold the center of attention.

I ask myself if it would be worth it to stretch myself to be able to do all of these things, but whether or not it is due to my better judgment or just plain laziness, I never get around to it. There's an almost proverbial (not sure if I used this word correctly) trope (or oft-used moral theme) about how you gain everything by being true to yourself, and how you lose everything by trying to become everything to everyone, just so you can get ahead. Somedays, I just feel so assured by that idea. On other days, I just don't know for sure.

Talking to Yan Sen was an eye opener for me because of his extensive knowledge and strong opinion about home politics. By contrast, I've never watched Parliament, and I missed the news on the recently passed Public Order Bill. It made me realize how much I've come to covet that number I get assigned which reflects my relative study ranking in a group of 80 people or so. In reality, it reflects very little about one's aptitude or passion.

And yet, while one part of me accepts the rationality of this fact, another part refuses to budge from holding it close to my heart, because I know that that number is going to be tied proportionately to the number of my future paycheck, and also because it feels good to think that 4.36/5 GPA makes you a 4.36/5 human being. That's why I felt so mad about HS203 results, and that's also why I felt bad about feeling that way afterwards.

Hmmm. I wanted to end this entry poignantly somehow, but I can't think of anything proper. Ah well. Tomorrow's the last day of work, and I and Daph may finally get some visitors from sociology. Heh.


-----------------------------------------------------------------

My heart beats faster but my body moves slower. Maybe this is what getting old is like, being able to shut things off and slow down, or just reacting less, chasing for shorter distances. I can't remember what it was like, the last time I chased after a dream.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

"You just got "The Knife" in the back, or Hadoken'ed, if you'd prefer. But this is commonplace in a broken social scene like the one we live in today." -Ben Moey.