Yours faithfully,

"He's that rare combination of up-to-something and good-for-nothing." - The Simpsons

"There are many ways to fry an egg. There's more than one way to skin a cat. For the people who like their eggs with skinned cat, the possibilities are limitless." -Me (Wonder if it's funny though.)

"Snape from Harry Potter fits the bill pretty well. Throughout books 1-6 and most of book 7, seemingly everybody except Dumbledore and Voldemort thinks that Snape is a spy for the other side. He does a damn good job of keeping it that way, especially after the ending of book 6.

* Its hard to say without giving spoilers, but in the end it turns out that despite his glaring obvious other character faults, there is hardly a more faithful person imaginable than Snape, both in love and friendship. Despite being rejected by Harry's mother Lily, he stays true to her until the very end and never seemed to have even looked at another woman (even if he himself made her snap and reject him by calling her a mudblood, something he never forgave himself for). He also stays faithful to unbelievable degrees to Dumbledore. "- TV Tropes, Chronic Backstabbing Disorder.

Not ever looking at another woman. Try imagining that. Seriously.

Level Up

It takes a while to learn how to stop sweating the small stuff.

It'll probably take much longer to know how not to get overwhelmed when the things that matter to you get threatened.


I feel like I'm finally ready to be more mature, without carrying forward any hidden resentments or emotional baggage.

Awesome.


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Leveling up in World of Warcraft: Kill monsters. Pick stuff up. Return stuff to owners. Rinse and repeat.

Leveling up in Anime: Option 1- Get beaten down by your current nemesis. Retreat to a secluded forest/alternate dimension to learn a new ultimate technique, as well as to fan the flames of your manly soul.

Option 2- Engage in a climactic battle with your current nemesis. Get beaten until you are near death, then have a sudden flashback about all the precious people in your life. As your manly soul heats up with burning emotions, go all in on a desperation attack that makes you lose consciousness. Hopefully, this will be the point where your untapped hidden potential pours forth and you disappear in a ball of blinding light. Emerge out of said ball of light with new branches in your tech, higher stats, and a cool new outfit and hairdo.

Leveling up in American Action Movies starring Americans: Leveling up is not required. The innate power provided by your genetic material is more than enough to overcome any obstacle. Instead, get into a fight with big explosions. As the adrenaline pumps through your veins, your manly muscles thicken and your tendency to say cool one-liners will increase.


Leveling up in real life: Screw shit up. Regret it. Reflect. Forgive yourself. Seek forgiveness. Move on.




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Today I and Wanyi heard a really convincing sermon about the need to remove all kinds of swearing from our language and conversations.

Which is to say, everything from F*** down to OMG, ZOMG, and 'freakin' is off limits.

Wonderful. Time to get cracking.

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“The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them” -Stephen King

“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.” -Stephen King

“Only enemies speak the truth; friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty.” -Stephen King

“But what is the good of friendship if one cannot say exactly what one means? Anybody can say charming things and try to please and to flatter, but a true friend always says unpleasant things, and does not mind giving pain. Indeed, if he is a really true friend he prefers it, for he knows that then he is doing good.” -Oscar Wilde


“True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.” -David Tyson Gentry

"The friendship that can cease has never been real." -St. Jerome

Once 'pon a time...

"Once upon a time, when the world of magic,
Once upon a time, when a dream could last forever,
Forever...

There were ____ and _____,
Wizards and witches too.
_ _ _ _ _, _ _ _ _ __ __ __,

________________________
_________________________
_________________________
________________________"

Can't remember how it goes. Damnit.

Rhythm Emotion

You could write a whole essay about the important things in life, but the most important things are also often the simplest ones- they only really need one line for their meaning to be understood.

It's a mysterious blessing that we can go to sleep with questions and doubts in our heads, then wake up the next morning and find that everything has straightened out. When we're in confusion, it's like hundreds of lines are written on our hearts- the lies we tell ourselves complicate something that is very simple, adding unnecessary justifications and qualifications to our thoughts.

But if you manage to face who you are and what you really want, then all you'll have etched on your heart are a few simple lines. They'll tell you the most important things you need to know. They'll be all you ever truly need.

Lie down and listen. Think about nothing in particular. That one heartbeat is all you need to hear for you to be sure.


"Your inability is mortifying." Hmmm. I should work on this and make it a really caustic retort. But anyway.

The word 'then' isn't dead, but I sure am having a hard time using it somehow. I'm also not sure about my use of ' - ' (M dash). I sure wish someone could alleviate my confusion on this, or AMELIORATE the situation. But anyway.


I know who I am. I'm just a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude... Well okay, I guess I know more now, at least. Ralph Waldo Emerson has a very succinct quote for this: "What you are comes to you." Just like in the movies, climactic experiences bring out what we are deep inside. Unlike the movies, this often involves a lot more screwing up.

I know what I want. I want, I want, I want, and I want. Work work.
================================================

Note to self: Write about 'all the good ones' in the next post.

Jaded

People can rouse you to anger, but only you can choose to pass it on.

A lot of things in this world are passed on rather than exchanged. We give our love, our joy, our second-hand toys. We pass down stories and legacies and boyhood fantasies. DNA, RNA, and Grade A expectations flow down countless streams of successive generations.

We can also give others the bad day we got from the previous guy. We can vent our anger, releasing it into the air, and anybody nearby will breathe it in. We can teach hate and recalcitrance and self-righteousness the same way we teach our children the English language; people take these things to heart sometimes, and they'll practice what we've preached. We can speak distrust, faithlessness, and fear for the future. And if those faint-hearted hear the message, they will be shaken by it, albeit imperceptibly.

I believe that when it comes to the human spirit, all things are connected. If we practice disrespect towards our parents, we will find ourselves unable to respect, or act with civility towards other people who have given us so much less. If we choose to give in to temptation in one area in our lives, then one day we may find out too late that we've become unable to resist it even when it threatens all that is most important to us. Conversely, if your closest relationships are healthy and well-maintained, then naturally it will follow that you will have self-control and thoughtfulness with all your other connections. If you resist the devil, he will flee from you.

...

Many things get passed on rather than exchanged in this world. I think that, because of that, fairness in its simplest sense never occurs naturally. Fairness is something we choose to uphold (when we can/if we feel like it) because we believe in it, because we empathize with our fellows.

I don't subscribe to my own sense of fairness anymore.

That sounds so emo. Lolz... I guess I've just come to the realization that I've never truly been able to entertain a sense of fairness other than my own. We never really treat people fairly, and with the people who matter most, all the fairness in the world is never enough. Because fairness isn't what we need. Because fairness isn't what has gotten us through life all these years. Because what the world needs now, is love, sweet love... Okay this is taking too long.

I've been trying for days to squeeze out introspective, melancholy pearls of worldly wisdom, but this dark and moody thing isn't working like it used to. And I lack the subtlety to say what I really need to say without sending everything back to square one. I'm tired of this, and you must be too. I'll be back when I've dialed down the pretentious monologue.


-----------------------------------

im·per·cep·ti·ble
–adjective
1.
very slight, gradual, or subtle: the imperceptible slope of the road.
2.
not perceptible; not perceived by or affecting the senses.
–noun
3.
something not capable of being perceived by the senses: metaphysical speculation about imperceptibles.

In hindsight

God gives you a talent so that you can do your best to make the best of it, not so that you can insist that you're the best.

It's easy to say that, but practicing what you preach is a different matter. Often, experience is the only thing that can teach us lessons that we cannot learn through mere recitation. Experience is the only teacher that helps us to go beyond a mere intellectual delight in ideas; it brings us to understand the things that will make a real difference in our lives, and in the lives of others.

Experience will show you the best and worst things that lie within yourself.

We can never depend on ourselves to see where we've gone wrong in life. It doesn't matter if you're a decidedly rational and objective person, or born under the Libra star, or given authority by man to pass judgment over others. We are all imperfect, ill-shaped things, and we cannot see it, just as our physical eyes cannot observe our entire body on their own.


When someone decides to hold a mirror up to you, and call you out on all the things you cannot or will not face, you will get the chance to revisit your understanding of compassion. Is compassion always sweet, tender, and accepting? Perhaps, sometimes, it means hurting people and forgoing healing (in the basic sense), so that growth can begin anew.

Enough fear will help you to avoid doing evil. Enough shame will motivate you to pursue good deeds. Too much of either will paralyze you, making you unable to do the right thing, and rendering you incapable of having the right motivations. I'm sure that we've all had times when we were so ashamed that it was hard to go out and face the world... Sometimes our failures feel to heavy to bear... But I believe that we can accept our shame; we can accept that it has its place in our heart, not just as the emotional recognition of what is (or has been), but as the indicator for what can and should be. You can see it as the mark of personal inadequacy and shortcomings, but you can also come to recognize that it is a sign for you to go forward and improve yourself.

If you can come to see things in this way, then shame will no longer impede your willpower, but fuel it instead. When we reach that point, I know we'll be able to do bigger and better things, both for ourselves and for those whom we care about.






---------------------------------------------------

The Vietnam trip is turning out to be more beneficial than I'd first imagined. It's an opportunity for us to revise our language foundations and to iron out all the dislocations and fractures that have gathered during the years.





Compassion
–noun
1.
a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.



“What you are comes to you” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"People who complain weaken their Ki. Those who understand the power of language speak less." -Kushinada Chikage, from "History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi".

Promise to the Blue Sky

"Sometimes it's better to love than to be right."

That's what my JC chemistry teacher Bernard Yong wrote on a card for me during cathecism class one day. I don't know what moved him to write such a thing. Maybe it was because I asked him questions incessantly during class. Haha. Or maybe he saw something in me that I didn't recognize. But I'm guessing he just couldn't take my smartass attitude. Lolz.

To me, TV drama creates a whole new set of problems for interpersonal relationships, because we get fooled into thinking that life takes its course the same way as the scripted acts on Television.

For instance, two people get into an argument. Both of them refuse to give in to the other. They give each other the cold shoulder until one of them has a revelation along the lines of "Sometimes it's better to love than to be right". He/she (Usually a man) apologizes sincerely. The other person's heart melts, and he/she (Usually a woman) apologizes in return. Both people hug. Both people compromise and get what they want.

Stereotypes (mostly from TV, but also from other sources like books) give us an idea of what to expect at the end of such an exchange, and knowing the results of such actions blurs the line between action and intent. On the surface, we might find ourselves prostrating ourselves and apologizing, but on the inside, there might be a part of us licking our lips in anticipation of a reciprocal apology or an affirmation of some sort... I know there's some sort of literary term for this sort of situation... Is it a postmodern approach to media and literature, or am I just throwing the word around carelessly?

I really liked the episode of Glee where Emma (rightly) called Will a slut. Will came to her office with flowers and a look of remorse. Emma's reply was that, though she knew that this was the part where she was supposed to be bowled over by his sensitivity and sincerity and fall into his arms, she just couldn't. The episode reminded me that there is no sure outcome when we express feelings to people.

That's what makes it all so precious though- acceptance, reconciliation, love, and connection aren't givens. When we meet people who dance to the same rhythm, listen to the same indie songs, and have the same Dota philosophy- that's when we've experience a moment of serendipity =)

Amidst troubled times, one of the most important things may be the inner strength to sit still and do nothing. When our instincts scream out for quick action and fast relief, the reverse may actually be the most crucial course of action. Finding inner calm and quietening the heart, focusing away from your inner frustration and towards the thoughts and words of others, stopping fear and anger, the enemy within, from taking control...


But enough babbling. Bazinga! Discombobulate! Mayhaps! Seconded! Perspicacious! Spoonful! Pilfer!




Serendipity
–noun
1.
an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.
2.
good fortune; luck: the serendipity of getting the first job she applied for.

Synonyms-
blessing
lucky break
good luck
happenstance
luck
fluke
break

Subject none

“And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. when you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami


When you've reached the very limits of who you think you can be... When you have to come face to face with the ugliest parts of your self... That's when you have to try your hardest to bang down those walls that lock you in, that prevent you from becoming who you are meant to become, like a Digimon that's undergoing evolution or a DnD character trying to work its way up to a Prestige class.





GLEE IS GOOD. This is for you, unbelievers:

Hopefuls

"In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength." -General Iroh, Avatar: The Last Airbender

"I must learn to love the fool in me--the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries." -Theodore Isaac Rubin

“When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God.” - Charles L. Allen

"May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy and enough money to buy gifts!" -Anonymous

“When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better.” -Anonymous


Oftentimes, the best things in life come easy.

Sometimes, you have to lose them in order to really understand how precious they are.

But hopefully, every time, you will slap yourself awake in time to go back after them; catch them if you can.

Men are Fighters, Women are Casters (Part 1 of Series)

About half an hour ago my heart was churning with self-doubt and hesitation. But I'm feeling better now so I've decided to go ahead and start on this extremely one-sided series of posts about gender.

Am I qualified to write about this subject? Yes, you naysayers. At least, as long as I keep it within the male perspective, which is the only one I really understand.

And why? What motivates you to do this? Well, I've been enthusiastic about this idea for some time. But more importantly, though I believe that every one of us has life experiences that can allow us to understand the truth about this world, it seems that I'm the only person who's willing to dramatize what I know and hawk it for the sake of attention. And catharsis.

But I'd also like your comments if you feel like pitching in... I'm not young anymore. Every little bit would help towards the ultimate life goal, which is...

TRUTH 1: ALWAYS GET THE GIRL / ALWAYS SAVE THE GIRL

If you have to choose between saving the world or saving the girl, just save the girl.

If it's a choice between pure cosmic energy and the girl, choose the girl.

If you choose otherwise, they will call you a dumbass, a jackass, a jerk, and an ass, and they will be right. Or at least, they will be have the strong backing of a pervading, potentially global culture that has sedimented this highest of high motivations in the river banks of the male mind.

Girl vs. Job - Choose Girl.

Girl vs. Family - Choose by assigning numerical values to the Girl's inner and outer hotness, then assigning a positive numerical value that is negatively associated with how stroke-inducing your family is. Divide the family score by half and compare. Pick the category with the higher number.

Girl vs. Car- Choose Girl.

Girl vs. Baby- Choose baby, but only because baby will sprout into new girl. If male, abandon discretely.

I think the influence of this is pretty much universal today, though not all people apply it... And I've run out of meaningful things to say. Rest assured I've got a better plan for the next few. That said... Shock value ftw?

Disclaimer: I'm not going to mean the politically incorrect things I say in these next few posts. Only the good stuff.


------------

Lolball.

Say it guys and girls. Spread the word. It's gonna go viral, and people are going to go

lolball.

Happiness

Recently, just a few weeks back, I overreacted to something and treated a friend wrongly. Even after two days had passed, I did not apologize. All I could feel was indignation.

One more day passed, and though I still felt wronged, I wanted things to be normal again. I asked a friend for advice on how to make amends, and her advice was to offer a simple apology- no explanations, no justifications.

At first, I figured that this friendship mattered enough for me to apologize without meaning it. Then I realized that if I apologized without meaning it, it would demean our friendship. I tried thinking about things from her perspective. In the end, I texted her and apologized, and she accepted my apology.

What I did not admit was that I wasn't completely sorry; I knew where I'd gone wrong, but there was still a little part of me that expected her to apologize back, even though I wasn't sure she'd done anything wrong. My final decision was based on the fact that ultimately, the larger part of me felt remorse and had accepted that I'd made a mistake, even though there was still a little part of me that was disgruntled, seeking vindication.

At the end of the day, this is what I took away: If you're truly, completely sorry about a mistake you've made, not one bit of you will be looking for the other party to apologize back.

I had thought that observing the lives of people in Cambodia had helped me to gain perspective on life. I had thought that coming to terms with all my recent mistakes was helping me to learn humility. Recently I found that some of the things others did which used to irritate me, weren't affecting me anymore. I thought I'd learned to not sweat the small stuff, to not lose sight of what was important.

But now, somehow, writing and re-writing this entry, I'm not sure I know if what I'm feeling is maturity or numbness, or if the two are even mutually exclusive in the first place. Lately, I've been reading a book about offense by John Bevere. It talks about how Satan can use our feelings of resentment and hurt to separate us from others, and ultimately God as well. It reminds us that God's path for us is one where we lay down our judgmental attitudes and learn to forgive.

But as much as I try to understand, as much as I try to accept my mistakes, I still feel angry.



... And I was going to go on to wax lyrical about how this world seems to intertwine good and evil (conflate, is that the word I should be using?)- love with lust, brotherhood with deviance and indulgence. I was going to lament to myself how difficult it is to maneuver through all this moral ambiguity.

But it really is time to move on, and deal with it.

Solid Brown Shit...

...means that you don't have liver failure, and that your 12-day long diarrhea has ceased.



Today I rediscovered the simply joy of passing motion.





I hope this post has provoked you in some meaningful way. Goodnight.


EN TARO ADUN, EXECUTOR!


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swelteringly hot

brimming with health