Touched by the void.

I finally cleared out the 2583 messages in my inbox today. I sort of delayed deleting them, because I knew there were some really nice things people sent me inside. You may be going '...' right now. Fair enough. That said, it's nice to see it filling up again. Haha.

And I think that I've let go of much of that poison I've been keeping inside, as well. It's good to have friends who can give you perspective. They let you know when you're being a competitive, obsessed prick, or when you're harboring unnecessary resentment. Though it's unrelated to more personal issues, my attitude during writing has been producing a wealth of negative emotions. Haha. I want so badly to be good that I've become excessively critical of the works of others. Which is not to say that I agree with my teacher's "100% supportive, feel good positive" style of teaching, but that it's important to not let a sense of competition blind you to seeing the good things in the works of others.

This semester, I'm only doing 4 modules, one of which is unexaminable. This time round, there are year 3 and 4 poachers to contend with, as well as phantom GPA 4.9ers and mystery men to deal with. I have no idea how I'm going to do in my writing class, either. Hmmm. Guess I'll give myself one more week to get it in gear.

Back from the Grave

And here to fight potentially long and bitter wars.

-------------------------------------------------------

"Sometimes when all have you is old words, all you can do is put them together and hope they say something new."


-------------------------------------------------------

I've had plenty of sleep over the course of this week, but much less rest than usual. Every day I go to bed with the same ridiculous, compulsive thoughts cycling through my mind, and when I finally get to sleep, they seep into my dreams and play themselves back over and over, and when I wake up all I feel is an aching forehead like its melting or atrophying inside.

And for awhile I thought that someone had cursed me, but the truth is surely that we ever only curse ourselves.

Unflappable

D:

I like the above smiley. It has an 'oh shit' kind of look to it. D:

xoxo,
Blogger Boy

I'm amused by the above signing off, though I know it's kinda gay.

HZ101

I'm really excited about this class.

"I've seen angels fall from blinding heights,
but you yourself are nothing so divine...
Just next in line..."

Awesome lines from an awesome song.

"Follow the white rabbit."

-------------------------------------------

Unblemished optimism. Blemish. Beauty without blemish. Blush. Blushing bride.

And you can try to stop my dancin' feet, but I just cannot stand still...

Today was the first day of the semester. As happy as the start of this whole new adventure was, my attention was taken up by a surprising number of cynical thoughts. Nothing seems as easy anymore, be it scoring good grades, having a nice chat with people, or dealing with increasing obligations and formalities.

But I over think things, as always. And it's going to be an awesome semester. I feel it in me bones!

...

You... said something very objective that stung my pride. It's true though, there is room for improvement and I'll keep your well-intentioned advice in mind.

You... are neither near nor far, and for now at least, I'm more than okay with that.

And you... I've judged you way more times than you deserve. Haha. You are a good friend. I just haven't been looking closely.


--------------

"Love is eternal because love is the reason you were created. You were created to adore God. That’s why in Latin the word adore which is used for worship in English is also a word for love, adoration. You were created to worship God, in other words, to love Him because you can’t truly adore something or worship something that you don’t love. "- Something really nice Faz sent to me.

Two ideas for a story

1) A story about a magical girl and the city that adores her and her magical friends, except that unlike stereotypical magical girl stories, she'll have a family with deep-rooted problems and friction, no warm and brotherly mentors to guide her, and she'll like spending more time fighting evil in her magical girl costume than returning back to her normal, depressing life.

2) The Food Runner, a story about two young boys who worked in a restaurant, and the decision that one of them made that forever changed their lives. Lol.

xoxo, Blogger Boy,

1) Working with Sister Daphne at the QnM, as well as chatting with Amal and getting free drinks there!
2) Weekly Badminton matches with Kader, Jevon, and Aloysius... We've come a long way since we got butchered by the two Ah Mas...
3) Finishing Scrubs, Arrested Development, Castle.
4) Binge Dota.
5) Southern Comfort.
6) Climbing the roof of Orchard Central.
7) Learning Texas Hold'em Poker!
8) Meeting up and getting benefits from friends, such as free BK meals and Ice cream, heh heh.
9) L4D, a semi-stay over, and outings with the family. We've became a broken family at some point, haha.
10) My maid leaving in a most dramatic fashion.
11) Slow, leisurely meals.
12) Receiving the title of "Guardian".
13) Eating Chef Patrick's Corn Chowder.

Took a level in:
Badminton: Level 2 -> 3
Housekeeping: Level 0 -> 2
Waitering: Level 1 -> infinity...
Sitting through an unbroken, awkward silence: Level 1 -> 4
Flirting: Level 1 -> 1
Texas Hold'Em: Level 0 -> 1

In the span of these past 3 months, I got to strengthen bonds with the people who have been constants in my life. I got to connect with some really wonderful, warm, and amazing new people. I've gotten to reconnect with some really important friends in my life, too.

I got to learn many new skills and experience many new things, but I also learned about my shortcomings and the limits to the amount of pressure I can take in a given situation, especially at work.

I learned that I wasn't absolutely amiable, though I'd imagined myself to be. I learned that you can't get along with everyone, and finally became completely comfortable with that fact. I figured out that sometimes, it's good to not try too hard, relying purely on effort to get by. I saw that that fact was relevant in many things, from badminton to PA crew to friendships.

Now, I feel that sometimes, respect is more important than friendship or people liking you. I feel that we will never really know enough about the people around us-what goes through their minds, where they've been, why they do what they do, how strong they can be, how much they sacrifice for others.

People can ask you to be a bit more this or a bit more that, but you'll never be anybody's perfect person. You never will be, and you'll never need to be. Just expect from yourself that 'The Best is Yet to Be', and grow as you see fit, to meet the challenges that come your way.

Friendships can be seasonal, and life will have its ups and downs, but God gives us both the good and the bad, and all of it helps us to grow to lead the lives that He has planned for us. "Nothing you can do, can make him love you more. Nothing that you've done, can make him close the door."

The holidays were really meaningful, perhaps the best holiday period I've ever had. Even so, I know it could've been much more. I could've driven more, read more, written more, and Dota'ed less... obsessively. Guess it'll go on the to-do list for this semester, right below lindy hop lessons. Haha. I miss seeing you uni peeps around. Looking forward to tomorrow. =)

The glass is 3/4 full.

Or 1/4 full... But since no one ever fills glasses to the brim, maybe it's technically full. I had a couple of nice chats, I got the respect I wanted from someone, and I dodged a lot of bullets. My bro bro socializing is still damn fail, though. Oh well. Can't please everyone, haha.

It's interesting to read Terry Brooks' writing as he evolves from a seemingly hopeless, horrific writer into a passable one.