Give it time, give it space, be still for a spell

This was written on Alex's blog. I found it really poignant, and so I decided to copy it onto mine, haha.

Had to have this written down somewhere...

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
   1. Respect for self
   2. Respect for others
   3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Sometimes silence is the best answer... I remember an episode of Scrubs, where Carla/Elliot and Turk/J.D. realized that they'd drifted from each other, and that they had to take some time to reconnect.

But perhaps in this situation, the best thing I can do is to keep silent and wait till it's time to reconnect again.

But the thing that has come to mind in the past few days, is that we should always be grateful that we have people who bother to listen to us at all, and not give a second indignant thought to strangers, whose ears our words fall deaf upon.

If I could, I would wax lyrical, but time does not permit that.

So for now, thanks for last night, guys. It was really great. You can't read the joy that's hidden behind my poker face. Heh. Heh.

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My new bags are Boomz.

Thanks for planning the mega-birthday party, soci friends! Special thanks would go out to Germ, Daph, and Sharon for picking my gender-neutral colored shoebag and plaid backpack, and Mych, simply for her plain endurance in planning all these events, week after week after week. Hahaha.

Eating at Bakerzin and staring at the Lake at Lakeside with Daph was a moment of tranquility amidst a lot of turmoil (Not that you have some especially calming effect, Daph. Haha.). And I'm finally feeling that again now that the mid-terms are over.

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One day, when I and Tabitha have kids, I'm going to make sure that they have as many adult role models as possible. I'll make sure they get employed in my friend's restaurant, or get taken care of by them once in awhile. Also, I will impart to them my mad skillz. And if not, I'll pay for their pillz.

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My (good and reliable) maid is back! Talking to her makes me feel like I'm in a dream, though.

Awesomeness.

Manage those expectations.

I thought my laptop was fried on Tuesday night, but it wasn't. My speakers, on the other hand, are as good as wrecked, and in the most fanciful way too.

Somehow this just hasn't been the best of weeks, and yet there've also been moments when I couldn't have asked for more.

Lindy Hop is getting more and more interesting. More people have been joining so it's more lively now. There's also this French couple, a pair of students who are on exchange who are also really good dancers. I've finally found people to practice my French with, haha.

In sociology, we have some articles from time to time about how the education system institutionalizes social inequality or implicitly strengthens government rule. In other cases, we might find ourselves complaining about the red tape and the absurdity of the system...

Lately though, I've been quite in love with university life, with being enriched just by associating with new people from different worlds, with doing things I never dreamed I'd do, with starting to do things that I've always dreamed of doing, with getting exercise and learning new sports at the same time... It's a little ironic when, academically, this is my rockiest semester yet. Haha.

But with all this, like many other things, there's a flip side... And it keeps me up at night. And I wonder why I'm back at the starting point again.


I promised myself that by this semester, I would have some idea of where I would want my sociological studies to lead me to... I haven't made any direct progress in this regard, but now I do know this: If I ever end up having to work within a corporate culture, I'll be plain fucked. There's no other way to put it. Haha.

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Oh, and I almost forgot, but yesterday I had the oddest dream.

I dreamt that I was walking in the forest, when I met a sleek, white-furred pair of pumas with single navy blue stripes on one side of their bodies, and a cat tattoo outline on the other side. The two pumas leapt at me and soon we got into a tussle. Luckily, my fine martial skills empowered me to give them an ultra beatdown, to the point that they were scattered into ashes that blew away away away. I gathered what remained of the ashes into a bag I usually used for shoes, and then I walked out of the forest, and in a plain filled with flowers, I saw a gorgeous girl wearing a scarf, a plaid skirt, a messenger boy cap, a ribbon tied around her wrist, and a pullover vest. I walked up to her; she turned and looked at me; I moved close to her, past an invisible line into her personal space. The tension in the air became unbearable-I leaned in, and then I

woke up.

I think my laptop is fried.

What a day.

Stereotypes exist for a reason...

...It's true. All the good ones are taken. Haha. Okay actually that's quite an illogical statement. But still, meh.

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"My biggini is Boomz."-Miss Singapore, 2009

Internet meme alert: Code Yellow.

I still think she's refreshingly expressive, though.

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I just saw a song title called "Shadowfeet". I haven't heard it yet, but somehow I feel moved to write something random about myself. (*Insert obnoxious smiley)

"Shadowmove" is the term I use in my head everytime I see housework (e.g.dishes) to be done, but quietly sneak away instead of doing them.

I only started coming up with this term after circumstances dictated that I should help out with the housework once in awhile, a change that occurred only ever so recently.

Now you know two more things about me. C'est amusante, non?

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The past seven hours have pretty much been spent slacking, but I don't find I regret it. Taking the time to make playlists on iTunes and just quieten my heart has given me the rest that sleep could not. It also helps to have a word in season. Sometimes our friends don't have the slightest idea how much they support us :)

My HS205 project is completely untouched as of this moment, but with hope, the power of the eleventh hour shall prevail.

Try to hide your hand, forget how to feel

Yep, my life's going in reverse order. Today, after watching the extremely impacting, black-humored, and scathing commentary "A Love to Share" on polygamy, Mych drew up a draft for a living conditions agreement for my future polygamous arrangement. It was a bad deal though, so I didn't sign. Lol. Min started to lose her mind as the day went by and as her hunger and tiredness got worse.

I went for takeaway sushi with Mych and Daph for the 3rd time this week, and when I got home, I found sushi in the fridge that my brother had bought. Btw, my "feverishly hot" top friend, don't be so shocked. Nothing's going to happen tomorrow besides me finding out the hidden power relations in the QnM. Not that I want anything to happen, either. Haha.

"I love you from the bottom of my heart." What does that sentence even mean?

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Songs with gambling metaphors (Poker Face, You Know My Name) are awesome.

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"At the heart of poetry is a secret." That's a quote that my Creative Writing teacher mentioned in class. While it's true that some poems are much more straightforward and uncomplicated than others, I guess I should remember that sincerity is much more poignant from a person who is reserved, and that frankness is more impactful from a person who is indirect. It's important to maintain one's dignity and keep precious secrets close to one's heart; to do otherwise might amount to shamelessness (though this isn't the same thing as wearing one's heart on one's sleeve).

The presumptuous and fanciful attitude I took last week towards writing class preparation cost me my sleep, as well as any chance of doing anything decent. Only in retrospect could I realize that such a shameless approach would never leave (good) impressions on anyone. It's full steam ahead from now on.

Unread readings are piling up, too, the current count being 3. It isn't even as if the readings are heavy, or that I have a heavy workload. Gotta get my game face back on.

Putting the G in Gg.

3 readings to go. Lol. 2 unfinished further readings this week.

Hahaha. Ah... boy.

On Monday, at 12.15am in the morning, I decided to myself that taking a walk out to the bus stop near the Village Center and sitting there would provide me with a rush of inspiration for my writing class. That overconfidence and vanity cost me dearly.

Spiral

If I had a sequential checklist of things I wanted to do with my life, I figure that I'd be ticking the items off in reverse order right now.

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Yesterday I leveled up. Lindy Hop: 0 -> 1

I went to visit my roomie. Ah, the room is still full of the tender warmth we shared on those cold, stormy nights.

I think my health is improving from repeated floorball practices, haha.

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For those of you who don't know, I keep a list of the large sums of money owed to me in a note on my handphone; it was only recently that I was reminded that this practice of mine apparently goes way back. It seems that in Secondary Two, I used to keep a small blue book where, among other things, I wrote down the amounts that I lent to people. In retrospect, this probably had something to do with the dirty punks who borrowed money from me in Primary school and always ran off when I asked for it back.

The past keeps creeping on you. And each time it does, it always comes mixed into new situations and challenges, like a gift that keeps on growing -or a virus that keeps mutating- and opening new paths for us while closing others off. If the past is a problem, then it seems I'm going to be walking in a spiral until the day that the circles get too large and I can finally veer off into another direction.

So I'm here now, not quite sure whether I'm better off or worse than before. Caring more openly, but also looking the other way more than before. Able to just sit back and let things happen/go, but only because the need to hold on to something has provided more opportunities. Looking at someone and thinking that he is somewhat a revolting individual, and then feeling bad for being so judgmental and short-sighted, then feeling good for having such mature introspection, then feeling bad for feeling so good, then feeling bad for putting myself down...

The poet, William Butler Yeats thinks intellectual hatred a horrid thing, and feels that an opinion that must make itself known is abhorrent, something he'd prefer his daughter to avoid having...
I guess I have a few intellectual hatreds of my own. I hate Paulo Coelho (Even though I've only read one and a half of his books). I hate Twilight (Without having read anything but forum commentary. Lol.). I hate the 60% of all DOTA players who think getting Battlefury for every character they play is a good idea (Though my stance on this has softened somewhat.).

But I don't thoroughly understand even half of the things I dislike, and well, I've already received complaints that I take things too far sometimes, haha. I'm conscious of it a little too, so I guess it happens once in awhile. And recently, I may have been getting a glimpse of where this road-the holding on to, or building up of arguments for one's dislikes- leads... You start to close your mind off to other possibilities, and you get dismissive... I don't find it pretty.

So many things have happened in the past few weeks, and now I don't know quite where to start. Scrambling to organize events, jumping into new experiences, and staying late in school has made the past few weeks feel as long and eventful as a whole month.

Some key events:

1. Sharon's 21st birthday- Nobody got Sharon her lomo, but she received a large number of useful/semi-useful presents instead. Haha. Many photos with huge blackmail potential were taken. And being part of the planning committee was equal parts joy and frustration. Haha.

She's essentially the first good friend I made in university, and the friendship has been an...edifying one. Haha. Being her friend has meant being forgiving and patient some of the time, and receiving forgiveness and patience a lot of the time; it's taught me a lot about the importance of being open with others, and its affirmed in me the belief that, if we're willing to give each other second chances, then we'll have an opportunity to see the best in people.

2. Chris's 22nd birthday-

Texas Hold'em Poker + Attention starved dog + Poor desert choice decisions = Chris's 22nd birthday. I was much pleased with myself for calling Tim's bluff. Lol.

Getting to know him in Secondary School has had a profound influence on my life. The breadth and depth of that influence are hard to convey through words, and hard to illustrate with a single past event or memory. If I were to try to put it simply: He is a person who has always spared a thought for others, and somebody who is able to put up with a lot of shit. Haha. That character has remained a constant in my mind, from then till now.

3. Clement's farewell- We who came were exemplary friends for a day, for once in our lives. Hahaha. I figure he was happy to see us turn up and fill up his life with one more moment of excess noise and nonsense.

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I've also been experiencing a wide range of new things. I've pretty much signed up for all the things that I promised myself I would, and the result has been truly fulfilling and enriching:

Creative writing class- I feel so much enthusiasm towards this module that I tense up in excitement whenever I think of it. It's so challenging and eye-opening that I don't mind if I lose all the sleep I get on the weekend if it means I can come up with something decent. Haha. The teacher is a published writer himself, and he's both knowledgeable and good-natured.

On the flip side of that, part of the job includes simply lying down with a pillow over my face and reflecting, so the rest issue solves itself, for the most part =/

I also made a new friend in Shineforth PA who's in the class with me. I never knew Rosalinda was in my church before last Sunday, when she unexpectedly popped up in front of me. Being in the same class together gave us a lot of common ground.

I'm not doing too badly so far, and I've gotten over my intense over-competitiveness and animosity towards the works of others, so I only expect more good things from this module.

Floorball- Hmmm. Lol. My stamina is definitely going to improve from playing this with the soci peeps. It's a really fun sport and we had some nice seniors to help us out, too.

Lindy Hop- I like the music. I like the dance. There's a cute girl or two. The only problem is that I'm not quite the natural I would like myself to be. Oh well. Remedial class.

The rest of my 4 modules keep me interested, as well. The only downside is that now, I find myself afraid that even if I work hard, I might still suffer a drop in GPA and mess it up somehow. These days, I sometimes find myself thinking that the more you have, to more you become afraid of loss. It makes me think about those days in early Secondary school when I held on to so little, and spent time sitting in the field, alone with my thoughts.

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Things in my life have been changing quickly, and I've been changing along with them. Lately, more and more I've been going along with what experience seems to be teaching me, committing to action more readily and hesitating less. Yet reflection and consideration in uneventful times are just as important as having an uncluttered mind during a critical moment.

Riddled with contradictions, burdened with guilty secrets, numb with self-justifications, swelling with pride.

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