Climb

"This wasn't here yesterday."

It's been said many times before... but the solution to some of our biggest problems is probably sleep.

"If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Just come right out and say it."

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments."

"Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering, and injustice when He could do something about it."
"Well, why don't you ask Him?"
"Because I'm afraid He would ask me the same question." ~ Anonymous

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I was studying at a bench in S4 when an old acquaintance came down and sat next to me. It had been one and a half years since I'd seen him in HW111 class, and he was still as outspoken as ever; I had a test to study for, but in that moment it just seemed more meaningful to talk.

We ended up trading some rather social banter before settling on more serious topics, girls and careers. My acquaintance had developed quite the detailed perspective in his 3 years in university, the parts of which I either admired, conceded to, or could not agree with. I admired his willpower and his courage to take a lonelier path in university and focus on getting work experience. I agreed with his statements (though not his statistical projections) about how material things mattered significantly to girls. But I didn't really know what to say to his characterization of girls in university... It seemed sad.

I listened to him; he was eager to speak. Whether it was because of an innately talkative nature or because of.. loneliness, I do not know. I don't want to make any judgments about his level of self-awareness. It just felt to me that his words came from a place of injury, of bitterness. Maybe my innate sense of moral superiority was acting up as usual... But it seemed like he needed to protect his self. He seemed lonely, and perhaps I perceived this because loneliness had been a familiar emotion lately.

Whenever I feel the need to defend myself, my first reaction is to keep very still and restrict my actions. In the past few years I've learned to go beyond that and express my problems more openly, but that always carries with itself a risk; there isn't any certain outcome when you tell somebody how you feel.

I've also learned how to hate people unreasonably, solely for the reason that it just feels better at times. I've learned how to close the book on friendships that just don't seem to function anymore.

We keep our guards up to avoid getting hurt. We glance sideways to avoid confrontation. Faces, faces, we'll carry to the grave.

Trust, Faith, Hope, Love... A lot of the time, it seems like there can be no words more difficult or inscrutable than these. I wonder if Geoffrey Benjamin would call these things "bad faith" as well, just as he does religion. I wonder.

Every book I have closed has taught me something precious. Every finished story offers us something we can learn, even if we regret having to stop reading it. And the books that are still open, the blessings still fresh in my mind- all of these stories can spur us to keep reading on, to love to discover what happens on the next page... They'll teach us to love reading, if we can keep our minds and our hearts open to them.

At the end of the day, whether or not the result is conflict or connection, being together with people makes us stronger. So don't be a stranger. Tomorrow is coming.

Willpower; Decisiveness

I look at Jon compiling musically delightful but visually tasteless videos of his performances in America, and I think to myself, "That guy is chasing his dreams."


It's never a bad thing if we need to quieten down and find some time alone to deal with disappointments in life. But we need to pick up speed at some point if we want to accomplish our goals... I'm going to stop being sad. Instead, I'll find happiness somewhere along the road and bring it to you to share.

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How awesome and terrifying it, to find something that you are passionate about. One moment you are a gentleman, a white knight, and a paragon of morality; but when things don't go your way, every cruel and ruthless method of achieving your goals becomes easily apparent to you.

C.S. Lewis likes to remind us to draw a distinction between agape love (in the sense of charity) and eros love (in the sense of passion). I agree. Though they can exist together, Love is supposed to be selfless and perfect, while passion is doubtless an imperfect thing, breaking us down even as it builds us up, leaving us unrecognizable to ourselves, even as it reveals to us the very foundations of who we are and helps us to decide what we should work to change in ourselves.

"Agápe (αγάπη agápē) means "love" in modern day Greek, such as in the term s'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love. Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a good meal, one's children, and the feelings for a spouse. It can be described as the feeling of being content or holding one in high regard.

Éros (έρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means "intimate love;" however, eros does not have to be sexual in nature. Eros can be interpreted as a love for someone whom you love more than the philia, love of friendship. It can also apply to dating relationships as well as marriage. Plato refined his own definition: Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Plato does not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, "without physical attraction." Plato also said eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. The most famous ancient work on the subject of eros is Plato's Symposium, which is a discussion among the students of Socrates on the nature of eros."

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Heartbeat

Our ability to heal is an amazing thing. One day, you wake up and find that you're well again, that your injuries and ailments have ceased to be. The food that you eat begins to taste better. Music sounds sweeter. You can hear your heart beating steadily.

Our ability to care for others is also incredible... Caring for beautiful people, for warm and funny and lovable people- that is certainly within the realm of possibility for most of us. But caring for people who have been reduced to nothing, people who are bitter and resentful? Not so easy. Given the choice, I think most of us would say that we would rather just care for beautiful people.

I think that somewhere in the back of my mind, I was planning to write about how I met with despair but came out of it stronger in the end. But I think that would really be a terrifically unjustified statement. I had people to pull me through tough times almost every step of the way, and I had God with me, every step of the way. I know I'm being awfully melodramatic over sprained ligaments and a stiff knee, but in my defense, I'll be really glad once I'm able to walk from Can B to Can A in less than 15 minutes. Haha.

I'm glad I had Kader and Meijun to talk me through some tough times, and for Marie because she bought me knee guards (a surprisingly thoughtful gesture, haha). Thanks for all the well-wishes too, whoever's reading =)

Anyway I'll stop sounding as if I just recovered from cancer now. Lolz.

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Sometimes all we can do is smile more, and recognize the good in people.

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I'm going to make it a point from now on to leave one spoonful unfinished whenever I eat ice cream, because what's sweeter than that last bite is the feeling of longing for it.

Sentiment

Admittedly, after the romanticism of solitude portrayed by Code Geass fades, I can't deny that people can't live alone, no matter how hard they try. Camaraderie, collective effervescence; whatever you call it, people gain strength from being with one another. Guess that should have been obvious. But it wasn't.

We exchange fancy gifts and free dinners every year, but the sentiments that come with them are what makes this practice more than a zero-sum game of concealed values. Maybe the fabric of the life we value may be said to be consisted of sentiment and thoughtful gestures.

Tomorrow

"I'll try to keep myself open up to you
That's a promise that I made to love
When it was new
"Just like Jericho" I said
"Let these walls come tumbling down"
Said it like I finally found the way
To keep the good feelings alive
Said it like it was something to strive for" - Jericho, sung by K.d. lang


They were praying, at the altar, for those seeking new hopes and dreams. Desperate, I went and knelt down, and I received a blessing. It did not occur to me to ask anyone if receiving a new hope would mean losing an old one too.


“The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them” -Stephen King

“True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.” -David Tyson Gentry

I feel as if I've lost something, as if something is missing. Optimism, confidence, self-satisfaction, friendship, dreams... I don't know which of these things is the right shape to plug the hole that I now feel exists. These days, I feel like I've become stagnant, unable to move forward... I have people that I love to be with and to serve, but now I find myself pining again for a dream which lets me feel so clearly the joy that the future has in store.

Open/Close

They say that honesty is alwayst the best policy, and that the truth shall set you free... Looking at things now, I'm not sure if I understand the concept as well as I thought I did.

Honesty

–noun, plural -ties.
1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness.
2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.
3. freedom from deceit or fraud.


When I was young, I never gave any thought to a person's honesty. People can be kind or cruel, gentle or harsh, or good or bad; but everyone lies to some extent or another.

A loose tongue is not the sign of an honest heart, and a person's lies are not necessarily a mark against their sincerity. All I want to know about you is if I can trust you. All I want is to always be honest with myself.

"I don't need luck though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight, and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am." -Zuko, from Avatar: The Last Airbender

"Be decisive."

"I won't speak of the dream my racing heart conceals."

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The past few weeks have made me vaguely aware of something that I couldn't put my finger on, but it was these last few days of long waits and fateful meetings that helped me to truly understand something: A man whose pride is intact can do great things and sacrifice all for king and country, but a man who has lost his pride is like a ghost, a shell of his former self. Taking away someone's pride can be like breaking the legs they stand on. Perhaps the outward symptoms are different, but I think something similar happens for women as well.

It's pretty incredible that we're in our 20s now, on the brink of experiencing some of the greatest adventures and most painful disappointments we'll ever have. It's hard to imagine that in just 5 to 10 years time, we may no longer get to be the main characters in our lives. Slowly, year by year, we may find ourselves making way for kids, or a cause, or an organization; one day we will wake up and be faced with our existence as side characters in a much bigger story.

Hopefully, when we come to live for something so far outside ourselves, it will be because of abiding joy and not restless anxiety.


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The two most epic theme songs I may ever hear.

Steps

Sometimes you need little victories to keep you going. Sometimes you need an act of grace to increase your faith so that you can remember that God is with you.

Normally I'd work on a more poetic way to express the happiness and relief I'm feeling right now, but I'm sleepy and it's time to turn in =/

On second thought... HOOOHOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

If you don't use your voice, you lose it.

We're all getting a little bit older, me and all my friends... When we can't hear what someone is saying, sometimes we go, "HARR?" without thinking, just like the old ones do. When I do it, I only realize it after my mouth has opened (wide). When my friends do it, I don't point it out to them, partly because I do it myself, and partly because I think it would be pointless.

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"Can people change? I don't know. People are, who they are, give or take, 15%. That's how much people can change, if they really want to."- Modern Family, Ep 13

I showed something I wrote once to a pretty girl with big, beautiful. eyes. She wasn't particularly impressed, haha... Ralph Waldo Emerson was right to say that ingenuity should not be mistaken for poetry, nor sensuality for art. I think I've been guilty of both mistakes. But he also says that every artist is first an amateur, so maybe I'm on the right track. Haha. And he seems to dislike people who quote too much. But anyway let's ignore that last one for now...

When I write, I write faithfully. I do it believing that an end will come into sight, an end that will breathe life into each line that came before, making the story into something that will move somebody's heart. I can't say that anything I've written thus far is particularly stirring or refreshing, but I will say that I think I can be good at it. If you've ever had a hobby that you think you are good at, then you should have felt it before- the feeling that you're stretching your hand out and reaching for a future that no one else sees. I think that's part of the reason why God give us gifts. He wants us to understand that feeling and apply it in our lives.

For a long time, I've questioned if there was an ideal, admirable purpose to blogging. Many of us, when we were younger, felt the need to justify our public private thoughts with a "Why am I blogging" entry. Back then, I think I must've said something like, "To learn a little more about myself and share my thoughts with others."

Today I think I do it to be more sure of who I am and what I believe. Blogging helps me to find my voice, and to say the things that I don't dare to say or have no chance to... Damn that's a terrible ending.

"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

http://grammar.about.com/od/60essays/a/selfrelianessay.htm

Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.

A man is a method, a progressive arrangement; a selecting principle, gathering his like to him; wherever he goes.

A man is relieved and gay when he has put his heart into his work and done his best; but what he has said or done otherwise shall give him no peace.

A man is what he thinks about all day long.

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.

All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

All mankind love a lover.

As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.

As we grow old, the beauty steals inward.

Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait.

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.

Every actual State is corrupt. Good men must not obey laws too well.

Every artist was first an amateur.


Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.

Every man in his lifetime needs to thank his faults.

Every natural fact is a symbol of some spiritual fact.

Every mind must make its choice between truth and repose. It cannot have both.

Every wall is a door.

Fear defeats more people than any other one thing in the world.

Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.

Fiction reveals truth that reality obscures.

Flowers... are a proud assertion that a ray of beauty outvalues all the utilities of the world.

God enters by a private door into every individual.

Happy is the hearing man; unhappy the speaking man.

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

Little minds have little worries, big minds have no time for worries.

Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.

Men are what their mothers made them.

Money often costs too much.

No great man ever complains of want of opportunity.

One must be an inventor to read well. There is then creative reading as well as creative writing.

Our best thoughts come from others.

Our faith comes in moments; our vice is habitual.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.

People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.


The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon. We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough.

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.

To be great is to be misunderstood.

Trust men and they will be true to you; treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.

Use what language you will, you can never say anything but what you are.

We are always getting ready to live but never living.

We gain the strength of the temptation we resist.

What you are comes to you.

What we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us.

Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you're saying.


Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.

Words are also actions, and actions are a kind of words.

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Ralph_Waldo_Emerson/

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.

When you strike at a king, you must kill him.

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

The best effect of fine persons is felt after we have left their presence.

Let not a man guard his dignity, but let his dignity guard him.

The peril of every fine faculty is the delight of playing with it for pride. Talent is commonly developed at the expense of character, and the greater it grows, the more is the mischief. Talent is mistaken for genius, a dogma or system for truth, ambition for greatest, ingenuity for poetry, sensuality for art.

The world belongs to the energetic.

If I have lost confidence in myself, I have the universe against me.

A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.

Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment.

http://grammar.about.com/od/60essays/a/selfrelianessay.htm