Distances and Seasons

Left4Dead really becomes a whole new experience even when only one new person is brought in. The chat in the cab we took to Cathay got a little heated haha, but it helped me to get things off my chest and to think about what I really wanted.

The better part of this week has been spent in some amount of confusion regarding personal matters and even schoolwork. I'm surprised at the amount of confidence I lost simply from having trouble with one reading and an essay. Funnily, after completing it, I felt more ready to take on the world again somehow... And today, just shortly after praying, I came to realize something.

I've come very close to losing the most simple joys because I couldn't let go of things. The words I spoke during cell group were more true than I realized at the time. I held a grudge for so long, partly out of disdain and partly out of fear, only to realize how meaningless those fears had been and how biased my judgment was. So pointless, so short-sighted... It almost makes me want to cry (metaphorically) for the inanity, the vanity, the futility of it all.

Brendan tagged me in a picture of Mr. and Little Miss characters on Facebook. I won't mention the character he picked for me, but it did make me wonder why he thought that way. Jevon said something that made me think too, about how people can sympathize easily with me when I'm the 'victim'. As usual, he said an unnecessarily queer thing. But it struck me. It struck me that perhaps I've allowed myself to get too good at mitigating defeat, that euphemisms and graceful retreats have become my forte and my crutch.

A sunny friend of mine wrote something on her blog, which I suspect was meant to cheer up a friend of hers... She shared her tip about how to be happy. Haha. Though it was written in a peculiar colloquial form of the English language, and though it was cliche, the statement carried a lot of weight, considering the person speaking it. Cherish the present, don't lament the past, and let future things fall into place...

I thank God that I'm a little more clear now about what I want. I want to change my tune and stop singing sad songs, haha. And I will, for now at least. And I want to enjoy what I have now, all the things that I'll ever need, even though I don't have all the things I want just yet =)

Where there is distance, faith will bridge the gap.

Each time you smile, it'll only last awhile
Life may be scary, but it's only temporary...

Everything in life, is only for now.

-Avenue Q, "For Now"

Work before play

Conversations, walks, breathing, water... Everything just tastes better after you complete your 1000 word essay. What a stumbling block it was.

The illusion of lack... Haha. Maybe.

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10. Lovers of fine raiment and garb! forget not that one day you will wear the shroud of the grave; Lovers of palaces and lofty mansions forget not that ditch where you ultimately lie; Lovers of fine food and drink forget not that you are to become the food of worms and maggots. [Above quotes by Othman radi Allah anhu]

8. Generosity is the fruit of wealth; Practice is the fruit of knowledge; Allah's pleasure is the fruit of sincerity.

10. The excellence of knowledge lies in its practice; and the excellence of kindness to others lies in mentioning it not. [Above quotes by Ali radi Allah anhu]

http://lessonsoftheday.blogspot.com/

Or so the scientists say

The moon only shines because it reflects the sun's light.
I wish I were that sun,
That gives to everyone,
And needs no one.

Blind leading the blind.

Haha. I can't believe I'm giving Traitor advice on the one subject I know the least about. Brilliant.

Doubt robbed me of my joy, and in my distraction I missed many punchlines, precious moments when people connect. But at least I've learned that if you're truly in doubt, it's okay sometimes to have a bout.

Spout trout grout flout shout tout lout pout stout gout out

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When I was young, I used to eat one Robovite a day. We would all dig out the grape ones to eat first, and when those were gone, the strawberry ones. Orange Robovites got left in the bottle.

(Note: This is not a quarter-life crisis.)
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Polyphony Poly-phony Cacophony.
Symbolic interactionism ftw


"The soul is dyed the colour of its thoughts."

"The truth which has made us free will in the end make us glad also."-Felix Adler

"Truth springs from argument amongst friends."-David Hume

"Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it."-Andre Gide

"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off."-Gloria Steinem

Sojourn

Because of many unforeseen circumstances, today I was forced to endure ridiculous lengths of waiting and traveling, and I crossed half the country in the single-minded pursuit of badminton. It makes me wonder why it had to be this way. Was there something I was supposed to learn, or see? Or should I learn to delight more in journeying?

Today I ate my second teriyaki salmon fish head. This time, I was able to avoid chewing on the eye. Eating the fish's cheeks gave me a giddy feeling that reminded of the time I got high eating fish cheeks for the first time at Aaron's house.

On reflection, even though I only got to hear a few of the NTU band's songs, all the music and the waiting seems to have touched me somehow. Suddenly I'm full of things to write about.

Before I realized it, the sun had already set

"I don't like hypothetical situations, sir. It's like lying to your brain." -Kenneth Parcel, 30 Rock

H: "Oh, don't they say that people learn from mistakes?"
M:"It's a unique point of view that only you who's failed in life can come up with."

Hmmm. I'm a himono-otoko.

It's interesting to for me to watch Desmond, a project mate for HW111, in action. I get this strong feeling that he was a really headstrong type when he was younger, and while it continues to show from his abundance of initiative and assertiveness, that characteristic is, for the most part, reigned in and complemented by both well-cultivated attitude and demeanor when it comes to discussions.
I can't help but be impressed even if I don't have an immediate liking for such people. It can be seen that he's really ironing out his weaknesses.

V is for Victory!

"The way to become strong is to never give in to the pressure of adversity."-Shin Angyo Onshi

Finally, this ordeal has ended. Haha. I got my driving license today after two failed attempts, a $1000++ donation to a resentful, oily man, and a really great learning experience at BBDC. I guess I'm glad that, for the most part, it was given me to face the test calmly. In that sense, it really was a growing experience, trying to hold onto a winning attitude in a stark win/lose situation.

Only one other person in my batch passed besides me. He got 8 points. I got 18 points. Hahaha. And to think that before I got my score, I felt that it was the best driving I'd ever done =/ It's rather likely that the tester decided to give me the benefit of the doubt, which I'm tremendously grateful for.

In a lot of ways, I've felt God speaking to me through this. On Friday, I missed a lesson because I couldn't wake up, in spite of the fact that I slept at 10.30pm. From the start of the week until the morning of the test, my mind was occupied by unnecessary things from presentations to losing my house keys (or so I thought). Praying to him about all these things brought me a lot of calm, as well as a lot of unexpected but definitely appreciated answers. I feel that I'm also being reminded by this borderline pass to not get too carried away. The last time, it was a bike crash. There won't be a next time.

I'm at another crossroads now. Haha. Never ends. I think I can't stand to be contented with life sometimes.

Note: Sunsets, right/wrong, ted conference, picasso quote, f.

Randomly rhyme till you're sublime

"What did your parents mean when they called you 'beautiful genius'? Were they taunting you?" -Jack Donaghee, 30 Rock

It always stands out to me, the way some people have a speaking voice that doesn't seem to carry any emotion at all. Sometimes I begin to think that they really don't feel anything at all, but I guess I was proven wrong after chatting with an acquaintance (with this quality) a few nights back. Everyone's got a backstory.

I think the 25 things note going around is really interesting to read. The way people go about this exercise and the facts they reveal must certainly say a lot about their character. It's fun to see parts of a friend's character sticking out in different sentences, haha. Reading my FDS senior's note made me think a little. People handle their emotions in such a wide variety of ways that it's really a crime to rely on a few stereotypes to understand them. Really knowing a person takes years, and then some... Hmmm. What pride he took in his embittered, cynical sense of self. I must aim higher as well, or I'll never give so-and-so their comeuppance.

To do list: 207 presentation, 204 presentation, Driving test, Studying for the mid-sem week. Go for the bread event briefing, find partners for HW111, meddle with askmgt

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This much courage ftw

Way of the Ronin

260 chapters of Vagabond down. It was a pretty awesome read that got better and better with time. The Sasaki Kojiro arc can be skipped for the most part, though. Up next, Rurouni Kenshin.

For those who follow the way of the delinquent, why not take up the path of the sword? The path of the ronin is lonely, but it is the only path for men who would seek greatness.

A Day Without Her.

It's a Day without Her.

And He's thinking about

What kind of greeting he'd give,
If there's a chance meeting,
Out on the lonely streets.

Even if the moment's fleeting
His heart just won't stop beating,
He's scared he'll open his mouth
And the Words will sound like bleating.

And this was the case,
That her face-by grace-
Appeared in place.

She's all ribbons and lace,
Looking kind and sweet and full of grace,
His mind, it starts to race,
And his heart, it starts to quicken it's pace.

He starts to raise his hand, starts to open his mouth. Then this ugly dude comes and takes her hand, and she smiles, and he smiles, and they do that couple thing.

Better back off,
Better fade away,
Better melt into the crowd, and
Live to fight another day.

Note: Any resemblance to fictional or real people or events is purely coincidental. Seriously. No, really.

Ro, ro, fight the power

do the impossible
see the invisible
raw! raw!
fight the power!

touch the untouchable
break the unbreakable
raw! raw!
fight the power!