Moot

Kishimoto really has us eating out of his hands. Week after week, we just lap up his crap willingly because no one can bring themselves to look away from the fascinating train wreck that is Naruto. Heck, even if he drew stick figures for three weeks running, we'd still click on the link to find out what's next.

I just felt I should quote my own statement because I thought it was a scathing indictment of this accursed series. But anyway.

There was some deeply meaningful prophetic statement that I was planning to write here, but I can't remember what is was anymore. Darn it.

Things left to do for USA trip:

1. Book Airplane Ticket

2. Send in Health Form

3. Get various insurance items covered

4. Course matching

People come and go in our lives. Sometimes the exit is quiet, other times messy and explosive, full of your faults, their faults, the faults of the universe... But when all fault has been assigned and all fault lines have been drawn, the one thing that never changes throughout is that precious people have come and gone in our lives. It's a truth that a few wise people learn vicariously. Many others learn it by exchanging something dear to them. And when we receive of that truth, the only thing we can do with it is try to talk slower, listen more, and be slower to anger the next time around.

5000 word stories are a pain. I can safely say that I've learned a lesson about planning and perspective from Ms. Crawford, a lesson branded onto my heart by the unending shame of creating one of the worst middle parts in a story that I've ever seen in my life. ARGH. Suffering. That said, a skill learnt isn't a skill mastered. Luckily Kader lent me a book of 5000 word short stories several months back. Unluckily my head feels like lead every day. Can't relax with all these potentially world-ending?/cataclysmic?/life-changing? deadlines hanging over my head. Especially my FYP. Ugh. It's still crap. I'm still in the desert but I couldn't bear to face that fact.

Spiralling

There are some things in life that we just can't control, that get worse the harder we grip/hold (Post-note: grip? What the f*** am I doing.) on to them. Now that I'm experiencing the phenomenon that is Schrodinger's FYP, this fact has never been more clear to me. I worry day and night about what is going to happen, even at times when there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Dancing tonight, watching my instructor and my friends with their free spirits, I remembered that truth again. And I remembered how, in the midst of complete chaos, Jesus blessed me and the rest of us with a performance that exceeded our expectations. It wasn't perfect, but it made my heart swell with pride to see it in the videos. Nothing is impossible for him, I know that on a much deeper level than I did before. And if this time he wants me to face up to the consequences of my mistakes in the past semesters, I'm ready for it, because I believe that in the end, his mercy is greater than his discipline and judgment. I don't know how to follow, and I always sidetrack or fall away, but I believe that there is a way back if I can be blessed to follow him.

Frames per second; a thunderstorm of opinion

When I was younger, I used to watch a lot of dramas with characters embroiled in conflicts caused by tragic misunderstandings. I can't remember what exactly I watched, but I clearly remember thinking how sad it was, the way things turned out for them, and that things could've ended so much better if they had just communicated better and expressed how they felt. I'm pretty sure I used to think that there wasn't any dispute between friends that couldn't be solved through talking things out. If everyone knew where the other was coming from, then we would all see that there isn't really anyone who's out to hurt anybody else... I guess 'bitterness' and 'pride' are foreign ideas to a child.

... More than anything right now, I want to write. I'm prepared to do the planning and the work. I acknowledge the importance of doing proper research and getting inspiration from the works of others... I'm desperate to know if this thing, which I've come to believe is something God may have planned for me, is something that could become real for me.

I don't know what to write about though. You have to believe in what you write- that's something I'm sure about. But all my ideals are crap. Lol... Ah who am I kidding I feel like shit but I'm still gonna see this through.

For HZ301 I relied too much on my natural instincts without giving any thought to planning. I didn't poke my head out of my own world to get enough inspiration, or to really get a sense of what would connect with large audiences... Several times I ran away from the painful work of sorting out my story by putting more time into analyzing and critiquing the work of my buddies... I am going to suffer for all of it grades-wise, pride-wise. But I'm going to get better, and God willing, I'm going to make this work.

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I've been arguing with Mom again over the past couple of days... I'm still trying to curb it and apologize when I can, but I can't help but see how easy it is for anger to re-ignite when there's been a history of past hurts... It only takes a spark.

One of the hardest things for a human to do is make the arduous climb toward recovery from a bad spiritual state. A state of laziness, a sense of worthlessness, a rage that always flares up... Making the choice to start climb back up from places like those is a difficult thing, and seeing it through, more so.

But anyway, though they're essentially bad things, these arguments have given me some insight into things:

1. Poetic ambiguity/ Deliberate ambiguity

Some people take delight in the mystery and intrigue surrounding deliberately ambiguous statements. They enjoy the exploration of the possibilities of meaning found within such words, which can possess much gravity and mystique if crafted well.

Personally I've always favored direct and straightforward communication, but I do admit that there have been times that I've felt contempt towards writers who don't seem interesting in communicating their ideas as well (especially some sociology writers). In the end though, I have to admit that deliberate ambiguity has its advantages, and that it is important not to ignore important messages that may be hidden within writing that is done in this style. In some ways, it means we can do more with less words... In the first place I should develop more patience and respect for this way of doing things, even if it isn't something I gravitate to naturally.

2. Attitude

In my life there've been certain people who I feel have always used sweeping statements and deliberate ambiguity to win arguments, qualifying their statements by telling me to go and think about it more... I've always felt that these people aren't really interested in teaching anything, but rather are more interested in being admired once the puzzle they present is 'unlocked'.

Though I feel this way, it's also true that there are some things about life that can't be expressed well in direct words, or which cannot be taught through discussion alone... In that sense, I guess I have to be more willing to reserve judgment.

What occurred to me recently though is that in judging them, and in being unwilling to put down my pride to accept the truths that I can see in their words... In my proud rejection of their 'attitude', what becomes clear is that I myself and not willing to humble myself and commit to learning what I can from their teachings. I say that they are not interested in teaching me, but at the same time I'm more focused on their flaws than I am on learning what I can from what they say. They may or may not wish to teach, but what is clear is that I don't wish to be taught either.

3. Sweeping statements

I was going to debate the advantages of making sweeping statements that are 'essentially/mostly' true, but in the end I realize... No matter how right you are, NOBODY likes sweeping statements. It's better to acknowledge another party's point of view than to sweep away every detail of an issue just to blatantly declare your 'essential' correctness.

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If God is meant to be in the center of our life, then what does that mean for people who write? What is God-centered writing supposed to be like?

"promises are important,especially to a child. if you break them,thats it."

There are points of no return scattered throughout the course of our lives.

Keep your eyes open.

a·plomb

   

–noun

1.

imperturbable self-possession, poise, or assurance.

2.

the perpendicular, or vertical, position.