Thanks, for treading softly.

No answers when you want them.

A couple of days back, my roomie and I had a pretty long discussion about a wide variety of topics. During this discussion, some of the conclusions we came to were:

1) The 'sergeant' rank seems to be the one that best characterizes the Singaporean guy (shaky statement, I know).

2) If we don't make it in school, we'll either try to become professional gamers, or start a website called 2kun.org to spawn new internet memes.
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Staring at myself in the mirror, I lose track of my thoughts.

I don't know how to describe what I felt I learned today... The longer I stared at the question in my head, the more disconnected I felt. I can only say that I've realized that the way I approached certain problems in the past can never provide any solutions, only anxieties and insecurities. Too much analyzing and empty-headed staring... Some answers need to be experienced and felt.


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Quotes taken from http://lessonsoftheday.blogspot.com

3. Entertain hopes of mercy from Allah, but let not your hopes make you bold in committing sins; be fearful of Allah and let not your fear make you despair of His mercy.

5. Worship Allah according to the measure of your dependence upon Him.

8. If you have the audacity to indulge in sins, do so to the extent that you can endure Hell-Fire.

9. When you want to commit a sin, look for a hiding place that is not being watched by Allah Most High and His angels.

Nice the Spice

Quotes from 30 Rock

"I don't know what to say to that, except that in Puerto Rico, A MacFlurry is called a SenioreFlurry." -Eliza (Salma Hayek)

"C.L.A.S.S.- Consuming Lunch and Simple Socializing" -Jack Donaghee

"The Six Sigma Retreat to Move Forward" -Jack Donaghee (Alec Baldwin)
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I've been exposed to an excessive degree of randomness, and the effects are showing. Ugh.

Sap; misdirection

"Your Heart will Lead You Home" -By Kenny Loggins

Sunny days and starry nights
And lazy afternoons
You're counting castles in the clouds
And humming little tunes

But somehow right before your eyes
The summer fades away
Everything is different
And everything has changed

If you feel lost and on your own
And far from home
You're never alone, you know

Just think of your friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead you home

Funny how a photograph can take you back in time
To places and embraces
That you thought you'd left behind

They're trying to remind you
That you're not the only one
That no one is an island
When all is said and done

If you feel lost and on your own
And far from home
You're never alone, you know

Just think of your friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead you home


There'll come a day when you're losing your way
And you won't know where you belong

They say that "home is where your heart is"
So follow your heart and know that you can't go wrong

If you feel lost and on your own
And far from home
You're never alone, you know

Just think of your friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead you home

If you feel lost and on your own
And far from home
You're never alone, you know

Just think of your friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead where you belong
I know your heart will lead you home

The shuffle on my Ipod is making me listen to songs in my library that I've never heard before. I still can't get the Itunes store to work, though. I think it's a sign. Haha.

As I sat on the bus, watching Sharon ride off into the sunset (Okay there was no sunset), I recounted the week of school that had passed. It's actually rather quaint that the semester started out in such a dreary manner, whereas now, in this week alone, there were so many enjoyable events. The timing is admittedly poor, haha, but better late than never =/

Sitting there, I thought to myself that it had been a great week in just about every respect, and that thought made me feel warm. Then this sappy song started playing. WAFFY would describe the moment perfectly. Birthday parties, collective idling, communicating with old friends, and unexpected but fulfilling conversations made it happen. And the week's not over yet. With some luck, I'll get to watch the movie adaptation of the one of the greatest animes of 2008.

Some of the most fruitful decisions I made last year were thought through carefully, but the most memorable ones were those where I tossed thinking out of the window. So far this year, the best moments come without me having to work for them.

What would life had been like if I hadn't taken special term, or if I had not been so blur on the first day of school and attended a tutorial that wasn't scheduled in the first place?





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My sentence structuring is suffering degradation. I wonder why. No, actually I already know the reason.

"Middle children can be good negatiators and mediators." Hmmm seems to be a ring of truth to this statement... I shall do my thesis on middle-children, since I'm so good at identifying them haha.

One man. One pile of readings. Insurmountable odds.

Lesson for this semester: It's easy to see what you want to see.

Shadows fall across the sun, sometimes

Today in cell, Jamie talked about her friend who had cancer, somebody roughly around my age. How do you deal with that, let alone talk about it?

Things have been looking up for me on a lot of fronts recently. Most of my worries are past and I have nothing left but to dig a trench, get comfortable, and start studying. Taking steps to resolve some of the things that happened not-so-recently has brought me more joy and peace than I expected. There's still residual emoness sometimes though, and it bogs me down. Thoughts of losing, thoughts of losing out... They're still there, but quieter now.

I realize I've never really been attracted to sunshine girls and their wide smiles, cheery dispositions, energy, and generally optimistic outlooks on life (not the same thing as never feeling sad). Maybe it's because I can't get into their heads, or maybe it's because they don't like to wax lyrical about, or dwell too long upon somber and severe subjects. Maybe it's a pace of conversation problem. Hmm.

It's sad to see a sunny girl lose her sunshine, even though it's just for awhile and you know that they won't stay that way for long. It's sad that someone with that gift should look so dismayed, and it's a little bit unsettling too, in the same way that it's unsettling for a moody and reticent character to suddenly become buoyant and excited.

Well, at the beginning of a new day, they'll be smiling again, that's for sure.

(Postnote: By somber and severe subjects I think I mean depressing stuff. But if I was thinking at the time that cheery girls don't like serious topics, I take it back haha.)

At the behest of the boss

Today, I had the most disorienting experience of my academic life in the past 9 months.



Behest
  –noun

1.	a command or directive.

2.	an earnest or strongly worded request.

Substantive rationality/ 222nd post

One card short of a flush, and I can't deal out.
Guess I'll have to fake it till I make it,
Bluff till I'm the real stuff.


My efforts brought me little comfort,
yet the best things came without a finger lifted.
The distance was further than I knew,
and the bridge I built never reached the other end.


A head and a heart are two separate things,

I've never felt the difference,
nor seen it, so keenly before.



On a scale of 1 to 5 cookies, how many will I be getting?

One down, two more to go

Today, everyone had a smile on their face, and the cai fan lady gave me a really big serving of cai fan. The evening was comfortably warm and gentle. What a wonderful day.

Act in (good?) faith.

Center

Time is ticking away but I still have the inclination to blog =/

Tonight I realized that if you've known someone for a long time, you'll start to be consciously aware that sometimes you're both at different points in your lives. Sometimes it is your friend who has gone ahead and other times, it's you. To me, the magic of friendship reveals itself fully when you both realize that you're both around the exact same point in your lives, experiencing the same trials and tribulations, joys and sorrows.

When we were young, this point of meeting stretched for years through secondary school or junior college, and now that we're older, these points are much more brief and can only be enjoyed for as long as your dinner meeting lasts, that is if you even become aware of them in the first place. To me... more than laughter and joy and the act of sharing, this bond (this tie) is a promise, to wait for the other till he/she catches up, and to make time to be there to experience it to the fullest.


Meeting and talking to people each day, I can't help but feel their expectations (as I perceive them) and impressions of me (as I perceive them) pressing down on me, kneading my personality like play-dough. It's only when I'm walking alone alongside the wilderness of NTU that I can come back to myself, as a Christian and as a person with dreams and secrets. It's only when I'm with the friends from back then that I can come back to who I was, and connect that with who I'm becoming.


We can be surrounded by the best of friends and still feel utterly alone, yet out alone in the wilderness, we can think of our friends and feel abiding comfort. Sometimes, what is more important than having them by our side is believing/knowing (having faith?) that they believe in us. And more important than that, you believing in yourself. And more important than that (If you're a believer), believing that God will set you straight even after you've stopped believing in yourself.

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God gave us style to keep us out of rank and file.

Making the French Connection.

"SIIMON! Don't believe in you who believes me. Don't believe in me who believes in you. Believe in you who believes in yourself!" -Kamina, Tengan Toppa Gurren Lagann (paraphrased)

Today I learned how to do my hair properly. Pretty sure of it now. Level up.

Phat l3wt

"Are misfiring neurons in your hippocampus preventing you from converting to short-term to long-term memory?"-Leonard, Big Bang Theory
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"Feelings taking their worst form."

One card short of a flush.

Jacky and the guy they call Apple... not bad-looking, but certainly not the most physically appealing people either. And yet they're glowing so brightly. Evidence for the argument for inner beauty.

Pullover vests, messenger boy hats, ribbons, scarves, silk headbands, and plaid.

One solo 203 presentation and one 207 essay to go. Deadline: Thurs morning (203), Fri morning (207).

My magic find percentage is usually quite low, and out of all my siblings, my gear is the most low-tiered weak sauce. Today however, my Mom dropped some phat l3wt for me:

Trinket: Ipod Touch
+8GB to memory
+Ability to listen to music on the go
(Drains 1hp and 3mp per second)
+Ability to play games
(Channeling, drains 2hp and 5mp per second)


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Hadith of the Day:
Being rich does not mean having a great amount of property, but it is being content (with what one has). [Bukhari]

7. A sign of heart's death is the absence of sadness over the acts of obedience that you have neglected and the abandonment of regret over the mistakes that you have made.

8. When He gives, He shows you His kindness; when He deprives, He shows you His power. And in all that, He is making Himself known to you and coming to you with His gentleness.

9. There is no minor sin when His justice confronts you; and there is no major sin when His grace confronts you.

A walk in your shoes

Spurious smiles and palpable pretensions,
Fickle friends and flippant fellowship.

If only we could be aware all the time that we don't need to worry or feel the need to judge other people. Try your best, put yourself on the line, and God will make sure that what is important remains.


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This evening, I met the $1 lady for the first time on the street near Heeren.


Quotes from TV

"I thought that the second grade curriculum had rendered you quizzical."-Sheldon, The Big Bang Theory.

Quotes from the _____.

1. A friend cannot be considered a friend until he is tested on three occasions----------in time of need; behind your back; and after your death. [Ali radi Allah anhu]

4. If there is a good deed which is difficult, hold on to it, for in the end, the good deed will remain and the difficulty will perish. [Ali radi Allah anhu]

5. To be humble is to accept the truth and submit to it even if you heard it from a child or someone who is uneducated or ignorant. [Fudhayl ibn Iyaadh]

7. Live as long as you want, but you must die; love whoever you want, but you will become separated from it; and do what you want, but you will be repaid for it. [Imam al Ghazali]

8. Allah loves the voice of the one who recites the Qur'an, and the voice of the one who seeks forgiveness before dawn break. [Sufyan al Thawri]

Hadith of the Day:
Do not spy on each other and do not listen to (evil talk) about others' affairs. [Bukhari]


Palpable

–adjective

1.	readily or plainly seen, heard, perceived, etc.; obvious; evident: a palpable lie; palpable absurdity.

2.	capable of being touched or felt; tangible.

3.	Medicine/Medical. perceptible by palpation.

Fool me once, shame on you

After an endless stream of double entendres, my roomie is finally about to take the cake (abuse of slang) and eat the banana. I hope he doesn't get too grouchy about it. Haha.

I've gotten some fresh perspective, and what I said to someone about respecting her senior's advice comes back to me. When I'm finally through all my doubting and questioning, I find I still have plenty of people around me whom I can trust and talk to. And yet now, I realize it can never be quite the same as it was in the past, both in terms of the feelings I experienced (or is this just nostalgia talking) or the ways in which I approached friendships. I can't afford, and neither do I feel particularly inclined to stick to one close group of friends and ignore the outside world like I did in Secondary and JC. University life is just so different, and the people in it are so diverse, that I just can't do things the same way. And perhaps, having found those friendships since then has helped a part of me to grow, and I no longer need more of that kind of relationship as much as I used to.

We never stop learning new things about one another. Is it enough to say that it'll be alright if you do something in faith? Or I am supposed to learn that the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Wan Ling told me the insulating layers of my ignorant bliss were peeling off, and I wonder if I can deal with what comes maturely and wisely. I wish I could make the right decisions, all the time, especially when it comes to all this. Things will work out. That's the only thing I can believe in. At least I know for sure I got the cake flavor right. Haha.

I might've said, back then, that I was happy just living with my friends, for my friends. But it's not enough. I daresay, even if I should chance upon an adoring, shapely, compatible female, it still wouldn't be enough. Nothing changes till I change.

Gonna come back from this weekend healthier and more well-equipped to deal with the open mockery and the relentless jackassery. You can't clown around forever.




If I could take just one sentence away from Rob Bell's sermon, it would be:

"Every minute action is a spiritual act."


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Past list of blog names:

Dignified Catharsis: An Open Diary with no Agenda!

Dignified Catharsis: Monologue Without End!

Reflections

Toradora quotes (Paraphrased):

"Cut out that the 'I'm the only one who understands her' thinking. It's disgusting!"

"Minorin is the sun, but Takasu is the moon. You'll wear yourself out being with her."

Two words to remember:
1. Winsome
2. Mellifluous

If there's one thing I'll miss about hall life, it's the walks I take in the evenings. I've just come back from an one hour walk from my hall to Middle Spine (Somewhere in between North and South Spine) and back. It is during these walks that I'm able to make sense of everything that has happened in the past day, especially when sitting in my room or praying just doesn't seem to be working. Recently, I've been letting a lot of trivial things get to me, and it's been building
up to the point that I've had the proverbial splitting headache over the weekend...

The more you gain, the more you become afraid of losing it all. I understand it with my head, but anything more than that...

I was going to write a very long paragraph about the talk I had tonight as well as recent events, but somehow it's become 1.45am and I'm running out of options for meeting class requirements tomorrow. To sum it up in a few statements...

First, I can actually give a shit about what people are saying when I'm talking with them for the first time in quite awhile. This reflects the rather drastic improvement in my emotional state.

Second, I did not, till tonight, fully understand how badly things had affected me till I talked with Sharon about it on MSN. I never thought the feeling of sadness would feel so.. concrete. Our Sem 1 friendships have stagnated. For the past few weeks, it's really felt like a part of uni life got replaced by a vacuum. In a lot of ways, I was beginning to wonder if it was just me.

Third, there are few things more precious than mechanical solidarity. Okay that probably went over your head...

Fourth, quite a few of the problems giving me the worst headache I've ever had were completely born from my imagination. Some on the other hand were not; they just weren't what I'd thought them to be exactly.

Finally, my assignment is half done, and my reading isn't even printed yet, but I'm not giving it a second thought (well I am but not very seriously). Stepping out of my boundaries tonight really paid off. Thanks for making me never have to regret it.



Postnote: Interviewing is very fun. I'm dead for tomorrow's tutorial.

Note to self: Do singing exercises when I get back home.

Note note: Hi Germaine! Hi Daphne! Please remember to be polite and demure when commenting, if you should do so.

Headshot

The Merlion took one for the team. It feels a little ominous to me, given the current economic downturn. Still, it's plenty awesome.

I've had a few bouts of bad luck recently, the most entertaining of which was when I referred to the wrong Gandhi (The deceased president, not Mahatma) during class discussion, in front of a teacher who was a native Indian.

Post-note:

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